I made the mistake of telling a friend (who is dating an awesome girl he loves) that I just ended an affair with a married man. I was upset, vulnerable, and he was online.
He has been a good shoulder to lean on during heartache in the past. This friend then immediately started talking dirty to me and offered to fly me out to see him. Wow! Anger would be an understatement. If anything, mistresses have higher standards than run-of-the-mill “moral” women. Here are some tips to get people like my friend through this out-of-the-ordinary scenario.
I am not a slut.
You might assume that since I do not subscribe to the social doctrine of monogamy that I am a “slut.” I’m not. I have likely had less sexual partners than you, and I don’t sleep with everything that moves. I enjoy the chase, and you hitting on me just ended any pursuit there could have been.
I am not always a monster.
I am not automatically interested in you because you have a significant other. The lack of attraction makes it easier to see how into your girl you are, and how great she is in your life. I don’t have a goal in every occasion to break relationships. My aim when I sleep with a married man isn’t even to do that. You are happy. Don’t blow it all for some mind-numbing sex. As great as I am, it’s not worth it.
Remember, we are friends.
Perhaps you jumped to a blanket judgment about me because I am doing something you disagree with. Well, I hate to break it to you, but that happens all of the time in friendships. Continuing our relationship as friends does not mean you condone everything I do. Do you disagree with how I am living my life right now? Fine. Share your opinion intelligently with me. Please don’t jump to an emotional angry response with little thought put into it. I will give opinions coming from emotions like anger little credence in any area of my life.
I did not do this on a whim.
I am a goal-driven individual and that trait has led me to personal and professional success for all of my adult life. It wasn’t a passing random decision when I got involved with someone that was taken. There was much reasoning behind it. My heart is a strong drive, it is true, and the romantic in me cannot turn away from a connection with someone, even if there is a ring standing between me and them.
I will not sleep with your significant other.
I don’t “steal” significant others from people I know and respect. I wouldn’t do that. I am a good friend. I understand that you may not see much difference between sleeping with your significant other, and sleeping with someone that a stranger is attached to, but I do. I’d jump in front of a train for you, I would probably not do that for a stranger. Friendship is a very important and strong bond for me. Also, keep in mind, that I am not a slut.
Don’t belittle my pain.
I did know that when I started an affair with someone that it would end, and we would not be together. That doesn’t mean that it hurts any less than a breakup. Try to understand that even though you may not have agreed with my choices, I still need your support. I trusted you with telling you the truth, keep that in mind. You haven’t approved of all of the monogamous relationships I have had, but you were always there for me. Please don’t change that.