“The other woman” has been my title numerous times in my life. I have a tattoo symbolizing the siren blood that seems to run swiftly through my veins. I have lost and regained my heart many times to taken men. I have kept distant with only goals in m ind while bedding those who have significant others. I have been on every extreme of doing the “unspeakable” thing of knowingly pursuing and attaining taken men. Through these adventures I have learned much. Here are five things to remember if you are thinking about getting involved with someone who already has someone of their own.
1. Make them wonder (and wander).
That’s right: you must attain the unattainable, so you must be both easy to get, and hard to, all at once. Sound difficult? It is, but I’ll walk you through it. From the time you decide you want to go after someone who is taken you need to be something they cannot have. You also need to hint, that maybe, just maybe, they COULD have you, if they were lucky enough. Flirt, but not always. Talk about dates, going out, nights on the town, hint at taking people home with you from the bar. Be cautious not to sound easy, but to make it clear that you are far from prude as well. This will get their minds wandering, and that is the first step in being a mistress. Make them wonder.
2. Don’t fall in love.
That’s right, I said it. This is a rule that I broke the last time I was with someone who was taken, and it only leads to pain. If you are trying to win someone’s love and commitment, you probably shouldn’t be looking at someone who is going to break commitment from the start. Cheats are cheats are cheats. They don’t change. If your goal is love, find someone you aren’t scheming to make into an adulterer.
Keep in mind that there is a difference between a crush, an obsession, and love. If you won’t be crushed when he leaves your life, you are probably safe. Keep yourself in check, however. If you feel the first stages of love setting in, you need to run. There are other taken fish in the sea.
3. Send yourself some flowers.
No, you are not pathetic. Flowers are pretty, and they smell good. You deserve a little beauty in your life. It isn’t your fault if you have to provide it for yourself. Get the flowers delivered somewhere where he will see them. Write a vague card, signed with initials. For example: “Can’t wait to see you. -C.B.” If you work together, have them delivered a day that he is at work and you aren’t, so he has a chance to read the card without you there (and to stew about who is sending you something).
Don’t send chocolates. Flowers are great (especially if you work together) because they are a reminder for about two weeks that you are amazing enough to deserve them (obviously) and that he is lucky to have your attention at all.
4. Watch the Bragging.
So you got the guy? You schemed and you are sleeping together regularly. Well congratulations on accomplishing your goal. While you may be proud (and I am too), many people will not approve. Be careful who you tell. It is best not to share these things with people that will judge you for it. I once made the mistake of telling a good friend I was lusting after a taken man, and she was all sorts of angry and “disappointed.” You shouldn’t have to apologize for the way you live your life (and you aren’t the taken one anyhow) but that doesn’t mean people won’t judge you. So, be quiet about it.
This is where it is important not to fall in love. It is easier to stop over-sharing when it is just bragging, and not gushing about a new romance.
5. Enjoy the Amazing Sex.
In my scientifically tested and not peer-reviewed opinion, married men are amazing at sex. Let me clarify: married men that are not married to YOU are great in the sack. Perhaps it’s because they don’t get it as much as they’d like. Perhaps they are more giving because they know how great you are and that they are lucky to have you (see tips 1 and 3). Whatever it is, you are in for a wild and enjoyable ride. It is basically a workout regimen that is full of knowledge of your accomplishment and the forbidden.
Use protection. You don’t want any adulterer spawn to make a cameo appearance, but enjoy the hook-ups while they last. I wouldn’t recommend letting things last forever—but hey, as long as you aren’t in love, have fun!