Have you ever held a grudge so deep that you can’t think straight? Has someone ever did something bad to you that you feel vengeful and you hate them so much? But have you ever realized that it is tiring to hate? Don’t you want to put an end to it?
And I bet you know how it feels when you keep on waiting for the apology and it never comes? And you keep asking yourself, “How do I suppose to react to such situation? How come they haven’t said sorry yet? Will that ever happen? And what would it make me if I forgive without having received a proper apology?” See, you answered your own question here; it’s about recognition. It’s about us feeding our own ego. If they hurt you but they apologise, at least you’d feel like they respect you even slightly. And that’s what you actually want; recognition.
We want them to regret what they did to us. We want them to recognize their faults, and believe it or not, we want them to recognize us. We want them to recognize us as someone they hurt, someone they owe an apology to. But what if it never comes? Should we feel more hurt? Should we feel abandoned?
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
We all have been there done that when it comes to hurting people. We have been the ones who had been hurt and we have been the one who had hurt people, on purpose or not. We are all humans after all, we make mistakes, sometimes repeatedly. Forgiving doesn’t necessarily mean you have to forget all about what happened. It’s almost impossible. But if we decide to look at our pain with different point of views, we can accept, forgive, and let go – and therefore, make peace with ourselves and become stronger and wiser than ever before.
So folks, if you’re looking for the perfect time to forgive, I guess this is it. Now is the time. Here are seven simple practical ways you can directly apply to forgive and live a better life:
1. Think about yourself
You are only hurting yourself if you keep on hating other people. It is tiring, not only to your mind, but also to your body. Don’t you know that the cause of so many physical illnesses is actually coming from the restless mind?
2. You don’t need apology as your proof
You don’t have to prove anyone that you are respected, strong and immune to pain. Those who hurt you won’t even care, and those who love you don’t need it because they know your worth. So, you better do, too.
3. Accept that the apology will never come
Stop feeling like someone owe you an apology and stop pretending like the apology will come someday. Accept that not everyone apologizes and not everyone gets an apology. Why don’t you become the person with a bigger heart, so you can move on with your life.
4. Realizing your ego
So, those two points above are pointing out your need of recognition. Realize that your need of recognition is actually a part of your ego. It is not coming from the place of love, it’s coming from the fear of not being loved or unworthy of love. Once you realize that it’s only your ego trying to play trick on you, you can soon dissolve the thought away.
5. Place yourself in their point of view
Don’t judge too fast before you know the reason why. To make sense of the situation, understand what they did to you or the reason behind. Put yourself in their shoes and see from their perspective. Once you realize that they are doing what they are doing because they’re hurting too, the flower of compassion will grow in you and you can no longer hate, you can just love.
6. Stop seeing yourself as a victim
Everything happened for a reason. Stop blaming others and stop seeing yourself as a victim. Remember, what goes around comes around. Once you understand that life is just a game we play and all the “bad guys” or “bad girls” are only here to teach you a lesson, you can accelerate in growth and wisdom.
7. Let go
You don’t have to meet them personally, but energetically you can say this to the person, “I forgive you and I accept you the way you are. I forgive all your mistakes, I let you go with love and now I am free”. Now, you can let go all of your burden and be happy with the way your life is. Your life is too beautiful to be spent in sorrow.
So those are seven ways that you can immediately apply to forgive others, or even yourself. Perhaps you’ll mumble “But, it’s easier said than done”. Yes, I thought so, too. But it takes enough time and pressure to turn a rock into a diamond, right? And I am willing to do anything if it means I can heal myself and move on with my life. Now, let go of the burden you’ve been carrying. It’s time for you to make peace with yourself.