Help Me With Sex Ideas For My Romance Novel?

credit: Amber Tozer
credit: Amber Tozer

Hello,

I am mentally disturbed and would like to express my perspective in the form of a romance novel. I’ve been been brainstorming some situations that the lovers could be in and I’d like to invite you to help me write this sick and twisted story. Please leave all of your ideas and suggestions in the comments section below. Negative and hateful comments are welcome, the only thing I ask of you is that your ideas can’t be bad. You don’t have to use proper grammar, punctuation is optional, and your spelling could be like whatever – but if your ideas are stupid I’m going to be really disappointed.

Below are some possible fucked up romantic situations. I like to keep them short. These are just little moments between lovers. I like the idea of the woman being mean and crazy and the guy being gross and dumb.

Ok here we go:

-He kissed her she pulled away and said do you smoke he said no she said oh so you naturally smell like shit he said yes

-They were having sex and he said do you like that she was like IT’S FINE

-As they laid there post-coital he asked what are you thinkin’ about she said all the other mistakes I’ve made

-She was cookin a steak when he snuck up behind her and whispered let’s make love she was like Ok but first I wanna eat this cow

-He slipped his hand up her shirt and touched her boob then his dick got hard because that’s how life works.

-They were having sex and he said do you like that she said not really he said sorry I don’t know what you want she said obviously

-He felt her boobs and was like did you stuff your bra with potatoes she said yes he said that’s what I thought then they fucked

-She whispered I love you but he didn’t hear her because he was that cop in Reservoir Dogs who got his ear cut off

-He walked her home and asked if he could come in she said No I’m married but thanks for dinner then her husband shot him

-He kissed her neck as he took off her bra then froze because one boob had a tattoo that said U R GONNA DIE on it and the other boob had one that said I’M SERIOUS

-He leaned in and gave her a kiss then her face caved in because her plastic surgeon is a quack. She was like gawwwdaahhmmit.

-When he grabbed her boob she giggled like Pillsbury Doughboy and he lost his boner but he got it back later so that’s cool

-He took off her bra and two grenades fell out she said Sorry I’ve just been so crazy lately then the house exploded

-He pushed her against the wall as her legs wrapped around him then the wall caved in because their house is a piece of shit

-He texted: Come over and cuddle. She responded: You just want to stick it in Him: Yes, repeatedly Her: Ok I gotta shave tho

-He was gently rubbing her upper thigh and she was like Stop it, you fuckin idiot. The end.

-They were fuckin hard and he died. She said ARE YOU SERIOUS then called 911. She never told anyone she said ARE YOU SERIOUS

I also love the idea of the characters sexting each other. Feel free to leave some sexting ideas in the comments section along with your romance novel situation suggestions. Again, if your ideas are stupid, you’re going to ruin my day. If you have an idea that is mostly shocking and not funny, I will hate it. Give it your best shot.

Sext: You kill my spirit and feed on my soul but I like the way you take me from behind so I guess I’ll see you at 9pm hopefully I’ll have more self esteem next year

Sext: I’m under your bed do you want to have sex if you say no I’m going to stab you

Sext: You aren’t going to believe this but I have two eyebrows now

Sext: My feet look better today I promise

Sext: What should I do with this booger

Ok, you get the picture. I really want this book to be a best seller, ya know? I want to bring the romance novel industry to its knees and change the game forever. I’ve never even read a romance novel, but who gives a shit? I saw Fifty Shades of Grey and I was like, “What’s the big deal?” So what, he whipped her a few times and she sort of liked it. Boring. I want more dysfunction, more honesty, I want a story that involves two broke alcoholics who hate each other but for some reason just can’t stop fuckin’. That’s what I want.

Anyways, I’m sort of lazy and writing a book is hard so I thought I’d post this here and ask for your help. I’d love to hear your ideas. Again if you just post something dumb, everyone is going to hate it. 

Thank you for you time.

Sincerely,

A Girl Who Likes To Fuck Around Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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