I’ve never been a fan of online dating. Typically I end up having one or two conversations with guys and it never turns into anything more, because honestly, I’m too picky. At least in the sense that I want more than a “Hey” as the initial message. Then there was you, proposing a date right off the bat, and I was intrigued. Life got in the way, as it tends to do, and our plan changed, but we still went out on that date eventually.
You weren’t what I expected. You were so much more.
I felt comfortable around you, almost instantly, which is very rare for someone like me, especially considering I was beyond nervous to begin with. Things felt right, even though all we had to go on was a few days of texting back and forth. It was a good first date.
Until you didn’t kiss me.
That didn’t make the date bad, of course. But I was confused. I had never been on a date that didn’t end in a kiss before. You explained why to me later, and I learned an important lesson. Good things come to those who wait.
Eventually you did kiss me. And it was a pretty great kiss, at least I think so. My whole body felt tingly afterwards, and I had trouble focusing as I was driving home. (Which may have been because it was about 2am, but who knows? I think it was the kiss) I couldn’t stop thinking about it, or you. It’s safe to say I got hooked on you pretty easily.
Our relationship progressed pretty much like all relationships do. But as the time went on, I noticed that something was different. Me. I noticed that I had started changing the way I approach my daily life, I wanted to start doing better. Being a better person. I was becoming more…adult. I think that had to do with you. Even only being a few years older than me, your life seems so together.
I wanted that.
I could see the future, mapping itself out in front of me. My life, all seemed to come together, and with you in it. Of course, I told absolutely none of this to you, because it felt too soon, to be feeling the way I was. My best friend even caught me in a near slip once, when we were talking about you. I drew out the “L” in “Like” just a little too long, but she knew what I had almost said, even if I denied it.
I knew it too.
But, life happens. Life gets in the way, and things didn’t work out. We still talk from time to time, but more often than not, it just makes me sad. Because things aren’t the same, our conversations have gotten shorter, and more one-sided as I desperately try to keep what little flame may still be there alive. But my efforts will prove futile in the long run, that I know.
I believe every person comes into your life for a reason. Whether they stay there, is up to the two of you. I believe you came into my life to help me learn to grow up, even if you did that unintentionally. The hardest part of this lesson just may be whether or not I’m ready to let you go.
I’m not there just yet. Bear with me a short while longer, won’t you?