I don’t know if you guys are familiar with lucid dreams, but after many hours of Google searching the topic I can say that they are f*cking awesome. For $150 you can turn your boring nights into a science experiment! Who wants to be hooked to an amplifier all night long? Me! For years sleeping has been super stupid, but now we have a reason to sleep! Thank god! But on a totally serious note I really do want one of these headbands because this is a really f*cking cool idea, and I can’t wait to try it out.
If you’re like me (hopefully you’re not), then you spend approximately half of your life looking for the things you’ve lost, but now you don’t have to! Thank you to the inventors of this bluetooth-operated chip that makes it impossible for you to lose things. It’s so great! Here is a list of things that I’ve compiled that I think this chip would be useful on:
1. Old people – Old people are the greatest escapees of all time. Each week at least 2 grannies escape from nursing homes across the nation. Although most are found only hours later either gardening or yelling obscenities at children, some fall off of the grid for good. If your granny is notorious for escaping just slap one of these chips on her and you’re set!
2. At risk teens – Keep tabs on your horrible teen and catch them before they do all of those unspeakable acts that you taught them not to do.
3. Pets – Because losing a pet is the actual worst thing in the entire world. Put 100 chips on them.
4. Boy/Girlfriends – Since Cheaters is no longer on the air, put matters into your own hands!
5. Cell phones – Most phones have GPS trackers, but you can never be too careful. When your phone gets stolen go on a scavenger hunt and kick that butthole’s face in!
6. Keys – Because I’m convinced that keys are actually tiny beings that love running away.
The makers of these really cool speakers have amped up their game and are creating a mobile app that lets you sync your music with your friends via my favorite thing ever, WiFi. This will come in super handy for when you want to share new jams with only some of your friends and not the weird ones who keep tagging along. Or, you could throw a silent flash mob and confuse people even more than a regular flash mob. Genius!
4. BATTERY BOT
Mimoco brings us the most awesome way to charge our electronics on the go! I currently have a rechargable battery pack for my devices, but it’s ugly and boring, so please let’s all donate to this cause because their battery packs are character-based and extremely cool! I don’t want my phone charged by a plain black battery pack. I want my phone to be charged by the Tardis! They have just released potential concept art. Check it out! If this project doesn’t get funded I (plus the thousands of people who have already donated) will be stuck with 1) stupid backup batteries and 2) at least a month of serious crying.
These nerdy candles are on my list because I want my house to smell like a Pokéball. If my house can’t smell like a Pokéball then what is there to live for (besides the four other projects above)? They also have a Ninja Turtles candle with “radical pizza herbs” and honestly my biggest dream in life is to smell pizza 24/7. They even have candles with dinosaur bones inside of them! Dinosaur bones! Don’t even pretend like you aren’t nerdy enough for any of these. You are. Acknowledge it and buy some nerd candles!