10 Ways To Pass The Time When You’re Unemployed

1. Slip into something comfortable and spend all day in bed with your hot, sexy Netflix account. Find all of the little hidden treasures within it, like childhood sitcoms. Watch Goosebumps and actually get goosebumps. Cover your eyes at the scary parts. It’s ok no one can see you. Don’t stop until you’ve seen every single movie and every single tv show on Netflix. Maybe even die while watching Netflix.

2. Internet stalk people from your past and realize your life is ok because you aren’t trying to balance a full time job, college, two kids, and a deadbeat boyfriend. You’re lucky if you even have enough money to balance your checkbook.

3. Start a blog. Name it something completely ridiculous. Use it to write inspiring stories and then read them aloud to yourself and feel hopeful about the future.

4. Learn to cook things you’d never dream to cook. Make a four course meal just for yourself and pop a bottle of champagne to celebrate being alive!

5. Turn everything into a celebration! Did you shower today? Pour yourself a glass of wine. Or two glasses. Drink the whole bottle because you don’t have to wake up for work in the morning!

6. Leave the house. Go for a walk or go shopping. Stand in your driveway. It doesn’t matter where you go, just get the hell out of there for a little while before you go insane.

7. Look up every single religion and try to figure out which one is the correct religion.

8. Play The Sims. Build your dream home and dream family. Buy things that you can’t afford in real life. Live in Dream Land for a little while, or until you realize you just wasted three years of your life playing The Sims.

9. Live tweet your entire existence in hopes to one day get discovered for being “hilariously depressing”.

10. Listen to The Magnetic Fields’s entire 69 Love Songs album and rate them in order of best to least best.