To anyone going through or thinking about recovery, I hope you realize you deserve to live.
It may seem impossible, unrealistic, and not worth the mental strain you will put on your body. It also may be the most rewarding, life-changing, and incredible journey you will go on.
You may have days when all you want to do is escape to the gym when your body is trying to tell you to rest.
You may have days when your ED will relapse and you feel like giving in because being thin is better than comments you may receive when you do become a healthier version of yourself.
Your favorite pair of leggings may rip one day because you’re finally letting yourself enjoy the food the world has to offer. You’re LIVING.
You may think your calorie counting app is going to shun you for erasing it from your daily ritual, and not tracking your protein intake will automatically cause you to lose everything you’ve worked for during your ED.
You’re going to feel out of control, but I promise you’ll be gaining it back every ounce your disorder stripped you of.
But, I promise there are many more positives to this journey than everything I listed above. I don’t know when or how you’ll overcome this, but it’ll all fall into place.
You won’t have to stress about asking for the dressing on the side when going out and ordering a boring kale salad because you will have food freedom.
Your mum won’t worry about how much you’ve eaten when she isn’t around to keep an eye on you. You won’t hear the worry in her voice because you won’t be lying about what you have eaten.
You can stop looking at food as numbers and realize you need it to fuel your body, not to punish it. You won’t weigh the chicken because you’ll trust your body knows how much it needs.
You’ll be able to eat cookie dough with your roommates at 10 pm because it will be seen as a bonding moment and not something you’ll have to work off at the gym later.
You will gain the trust you used to have with your mind and body, isn’t that worth the pain of the journey?
Every single waking moment will be a test, mentally and physically. But, you know what? You’re going to get through it.
You deserve food freedom.
You deserve recovery.
And you deserve to live.