I, like many other people I have discussed this with, have dealt with a toxic relationship in my life. It saddens me even look back on the time where I was head-over-heels “in love” with someone who, quite honestly, treated me like trash; it’s worse when I realize I allowed it. I still see couples that are in my life where one partner treats the other with little respect and it makes me sick to my stomach.
Even though my toxic relationship may have been confusing, awful, and painful at the time, it helps me distinguish and determine whether to continue a relationship with the person I am seeing.
Your mental health is worth so much more than the infatuation and love you feel for someone who doesn’t give your worth a second thought.
Here are some helpful steps to leaving their ass in the distant past… for good.
1. Cry, girl, cry
This might not be the most positive note to start the grieving process on, but in order to move through this, you shouldn’t keep feelings of guilt, stress, and pain inside. Eventually they’ll come out and you may not process them in a healthy way.
2. Go out and do everything you couldn’t do while you were tied down to their worthless ass
I remember in June when my best friend visited from England and we made a cheeky trip up to Canada. I just stopped talking to someone and was pretty beat up about it. I remember she told me to snap out of my pity party and get dressed up.
I don’t recall much after the three slices of pizza, chicken nuggets, and $100 worth of alcohol I consumed that night, but I can remember these guys next to us offering to pay for some of our drinks. Definitely made me realize there were plenty of fish in the sea, even if I had only found the trash.
3. Realize you are worth more than the treatment they put you through
Is your body a garbage can that they throw their negative energy into, or is it a temple that deserves unconditional love surrounding it? It’s a goddamn temple, honey. And I can guarantee they did not see your worth the way someone is going to in the near future.
4. Try to remember hobbies or activities you enjoyed before they popped in and out of your life
Another relationship I quickly got out of a few months ago made me realize I was super insecure about myself, which allowed me to accept the treatment he was putting me through. I decided to start going to the gym more, which boosted my confidence and made me realize the capability and strength I was holding back for so long.
If you were a swimmer before they waltzed their way into your life, get back into it. I’m sure you realize your life was incredible before they interrupted it.
5. Throw out anything that reminds you of them
As soon as I broke up with my partner at the time, I threw out the banana mug he gave me (though I slightly regret it because it was so freaking cute). But girl, if every time you look at that fuzzy blanket they gave you last Christmas you burst into tears and question the healing process, say, “thank you, next,” and burn that shit.
6. Write down goals you have for your future relationships
My mum explained to me that we attract certain people into our life, and I was always bringing the same relationships into mine. This needed to change. I wrote down what I wanted to see in the next person I dated and visualized what I wanted.
I’m not saying write down that you want a guy with a six-pack or a gorgeous smile. I mean more along the lines of characteristic features like kindness, empathy, and trust. (But a cute smile wouldn’t hurt, I guess. You do you, boo.)
7. Realize you’re a badass who doesn’t need their bullshit in your life, period
They weren’t that special anyway. I literally could laugh at the amount of tears and moments I spent wondering who they were with and what they were doing now that I wasn’t their emotional punching bag.
With that extra money you have from not buying them a Christmas present, treat yourself to something incredible. Fifteen years from now you won’t regret spending that $30 on a new pair of boots that you looked hot as hell in.
If all else fails, eat some ice cream, binge watch Friends, or go lift some weights with your newfound strength!