I can see it now, you’re sitting at a bar/party while taking your first shot of whatever is going to erase them. You choose the strongest choice you can find within reach. You realize and panic when one isn’t enough to discard this person from your memory. I’m guessing you’re about four drinks in and yet, they’re still there. Is it continuously not enough? Your thoughts are, “Take another drink and kiss a few strangers!”
You believe they can help you scare away the ghost of the person who haunts the shot glass in front of you.
The night comes to a close. You’re walking out with a stranger, with them “gone” from your thoughts. Stumbling down the road, purse in one hand and theirs in the other. But oh no, you see it. A sign, an item of food, or store that reminds you of the person you truly want, and not the insignificant one stood beside you in the drunken moment.
How can a drink that makes you forget everything you’re doing still keep an individual constantly on your mind?
For me, it was tequila. The drink with crystallized salt and a sour lime brought everything back. Whenever it touched my lips I realized he wouldn’t be near mine ever again. The truth hurt more than the burning sensation down my throat (and, to be fair, that’s a hard thing to achieve when consuming straight tequila).
One, two, three shots. One, two, three memories sipping over and over again.
I remember walking into a bathroom at the end of the night, wiping off the mask of makeup on my emotionless face. Looking at myself and wondering how on earth they were still the only thing I couldn’t cover up and wipe away.
Why on earth was I standing there crying? Crying over someone who didn’t give me a drunken thought. I remember looking at my phone and scrolling to his name. Wanting to send something, anything just to make them see my name light up their phone and maybe bring them some sense of remorse for the things that happened.
As I rested my intoxicated/numb body on the floor, I realized this was not who I was, this was never who I wanted to be.
I realized I needed to find another outlet to let this individual go (and block his number). Coffee continued to be a safe bet (and a cheaper one, too). I started writing, journaling, talking to the people I loved, anything but using a rebound or tequila when they seemed to be taking up my daily agenda. I realized it was just going to bring pain to my throat and thoughts, and they weren’t worth either of those things.
Why continue to bring back the memories but never the person?
My advice to you, love, is to stop this cycle. No matter if you think someone else/a drunken night will fix it all, it won’t.
You regret him, so don’t keep putting yourself through the pain.
One day you’ll find an individual who’ll make a night like this enjoyable. But until then, keep your eyes on your goals and not what could’ve been with them.
They’re not worth the money… or the dreadful hangover, trust me on this one.