3 Reasons He Doesn’t Have The Confidence To Approach You First

I mean it has happened to the best of us, right? If you are a woman you experienced a man that could not get it up on a few occasions (or more than few?) or if you are a dude it has happened to you at one point or another. What is that you say? It has never happened to you? Ever? I have experienced it. Yes, it always tends to occur in the times I need it most. For example, once I was at a bar, and there was a guy I was interested in there. I could tell he was interested too. He gave me the look. You know, that look. However, he just could not get it up to come over and talk to me. Yes, he could not get his confidence up. What did you think I was referring to?

So I totally made up that situation for the sake of this article because honestly I don’t have a lot of experience with being picked up in a bar….or anywhere for that matter. Whether it is intimidation, fear of rejection or fear of criticism, lack of confidence can have a negative impact on a guy’s life and relationship with his significant other. Confidence in a man can be quite sexy to a lot of women. It makes a man stand, walk and talk differently from his counterparts that lack self-confidence. This is really very attractive to a lot of women (and some men), but why is it that some men just can’t get it up…their confidence that is? How is it that some men can walk confidently into a room while others cannot? There can be several reasons, but it seems that some of it stems from childhood while some lose it even adulthood.
Here are 3 reasons why he can’t get it up.

1. Bullied In School

This is a no brainer! Of course being bullied in school can lead to a guy feeling intimidated in certain situations. As much as we say, we are not in high school anymore, a small part of ourselves reverts back to the pimply kid we were back then. Our adolescent years can leave us with some deep rooted scars that carry on into our adulthood. We might avoid certain situations instead of going for them for fear of criticism.

2. Was An Ugly Duckling

This one is tricky. A lot of times, if there is a good looking guy, most people assume that yes of course he is confident, right? I mean look at him….his broad shoulders, his muscular chest, his dreamy eyes, his chiseled jaw…..but I digress. But because he is good looking, it doesn’t always equate to confidence. This usually boils down to: did he get this way in adulthood by practicing better hygiene and working out perhaps? Or did he always have that chiseled jaw? This can be a telling factor on whether or not he can get it up. Those who are considered the ugly duckling typically have issues with their confidence even with their new found attractiveness. They need to be validated. Their confidence in adulthood has to be constantly validated because they still hold on those scars that developed in adolescence. This is exhibited in cheating, in appropriate behavior and playing games. No matter what, even when they are in the comfort of a loving commitment, they can’t get it up.

3. Bad Relationship

This is something that would most likely happen in adulthood. We can sometimes find ourselves in relationships, situations and environments that are not conducive to building confidence in a person. Words hurt, even as adults. When you are in a relationship where you are constantly berated or beat down, you can start believing it. This can create a lot of baggage that can follow you even after you are no longer in that relationship. It can be really heavy. It brings you down and makes it hard to get it up.

Confidence is not one of those things that you have it or you don’t. It is built over time. It takes for a shift in perspective and how you view yourself and your skills and abilities for it to happen. If you recognize that your man is having a hard time getting it up, remember that these are his issues. He will need to want to do the work to fix his own issues, you can’t repair it. Ego can be a tricky thing to maneuver, be understanding and maybe stroke it a little bit so that he can get his rhythm and believe in himself. And if you have a little bit of trouble, there are ways to make it go a lot smoother. It is all about team work. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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