I am not the type of person who believes in fate. I’m a skeptic; a realist. I am absolutely not the type of girl who believes in love songs, or soul mates, or grand romantic gestures similar to those fashioned by Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother.
No- I am an independent person, and I am proud to say so. I love being by myself. To me, nothing is better than a good book on a rainy day, or spending a Saturday night in bed watching Netflix. That being said, I have never been the type of girl who fantasizes about a relationship like the one in The Notebook. I would much rather focus on myself, or have a great night out with friends than worry about what some boy might think of me, because chances are (and in this day and age), he isn’t worth my time anyway.
Meeting you changed everything. The happiest I have ever been in my life was during the six months I was with you. I realize that in the scheme of things, that pretty much qualifies as no time at all, but that cannot discount the reality and verity of my feelings.
Our “relationship,” wasn’t perfect, if you could even call it a relationship at all, but it was something. The two of us were terrified of getting hurt, but at the same time, too drawn in by one another to let it all go. I loved the funky way you would dance at the bar, and I loved the way you’d wake me up the morning after. I loved how we liked our coffee the same way and you would offer up your smallest tee shirts for me to snuggle in. I loved every single one of our two hour phone calls. And I loved the way you’d always surprise me with my favorite candy on your way over to my place. I miss all of these things, among the innumerable other aspects of our “relationship”. I would do anything to get it back, because I was (read: am) in love with you.
You changed me on such a deep, emotional level that I don’t even have the proper words to thank you. You had no idea you were doing it, either. The best thing you ever did for me was force me to open up after being hurt before, and give me no choice but to grow as an individual. I will be forever grateful for that. You have opened up my eyes. You make me want to believe in everything all over again- love songs, soul mates, cheesy romantic gestures and even The Notebook. You helped make me feel beautiful, intelligent, and most of all, capable of anything. The confidence you gave me allowed me, for once and for all, to be myself, and be comfortable in doing so.
No, what we had did not work out, and that was a shame because I’ll always love you. There’s just no way around it. Of course, I will continue to try to move on like I have been doing for these past few months. Maybe I’ll run into you sometime, who knows.
The fact of the matter is this: there are not many people in this world who are lucky enough to meet someone like you. I don’t know who I would be today if you never came into my life. I am such a different person and, even though there’s always room for improvement, I’m pretty proud of how far I’ve come. Our “breakup” did not make me bitter. I am thankful. You helped me believe in so many wonderful, beautiful things that I would never have opened up my mind to before. I believe that life has happy endings. I even think that maybe I do have a soul mate. Perhaps, he is out there somewhere waiting for me (and maybe thanking you for helping him, too).