I wouldn’t call it a whirlwind. To be completely honest, I wasn’t picked up and swept away at first sight like so many people have been. I’ve been in whirlwinds before, the kind that catch you with a dangerous pull and kick your feet from underneath of you, all while simultaneously knocking the hot breath from your lungs. I know what to expect from those, as the old saying goes “easy come, easy go.” The thing about whirlwinds, is that they usually fade as fast as they came.
I can handle whirlwinds.
But you…you feel like a slow burn of the hottest flame. You feel like a soothing warmth when I didn’t know I was cold. I become entranced staring into the burning embers, and as each part of me starts to feel the warmth creep up I realize I’m freezing, and I need more.
Now I know why I’ve fought to stay cold.
It took me some time to realize that I’ve always been one to ruin things. It’s my nature. I’ve been conditioned to believe that I’m not worthy of great things, and as a defense mechanism I usually cause some sort of upheaval when it comes to relationships. I know I’m not alone, I know many have the same tendency. The issue happens when I haven’t realized what I’ve done until it’s done.
And even though I want nothing more than to let your warmth overtake me, I can’t help but wonder if I’ll be the oxygen to your already intensely burning ember.
When given just enough of a push, you can turn into a bright flame that scorches. I wish I could promise you that won’t happen. I wish you could promise me you wouldn’t let it.
But I’ve seen it, I’ve been the one burned and I’ve been the flame burning.
How many times can one heal from such massive fires? And the most important question, do I run and stay cold…or stay and revel in the burn?