I never thought I’d walk in on my boyfriend with another woman. I never thought I’d be that kind of girl, the kind of girl who dates that kind of guy, who should’ve seen it coming. I never thought it would happen to me.
Until it did.
Until the morning I walked in, expecting to crawl into bed with my boyfriend and instead finding another girl already there, curled up in his arms.
The first thing you feel is shock, like you’re numb, like you’re in a vacuum where she’s picking up her clothes and he’s coming towards you saying things but you barely notice it, barely feel anything. It’s the moment where you finally understand what people mean when they say “time stood still”.
But the shock only lasts about five seconds. Five seconds of peace before the pain hits, pain that hits you in waves so intense you feel like you can’t breathe. The image of them together replays over and over in your head, reminding you that he chose another girl over you, that he wasn’t even drunk, that he spent the night with her while you laid awake in your bed alone.
You feel every emotion that you’d expect: anger, hurt, betrayal, humiliation, confusion.
But most of all you blame yourself. And that is the worst part of it all. You wonder why you weren’t good enough, what she has that you don’t, what you could’ve done differently to stop this from ever happening. You think if you just hadn’t shown up without calling first or if you hadn’t gotten angry with him the night before, it wouldn’t have happened.
You feel like it as all your fault. Because it has to be, right? You meant so little to him that he picked her over you. And even if he says it’s not about you, you don’t believe that for a second. It’s ALL about you. All about how you were never enough.
That’s where I am right now. That’s where I’m stuck, all because of poor timing and a guy who couldn’t keep it in his pants.
I never thought I’d be this cliche, never thought I’d be a girl who could write this, who would know how it feels.
But I am. And all I can do is take it day by day and hope that I will never be that girl again.