When life’s a blur and you can’t quite feel the sense of security you once had, it’s okay to doubt if God’s really even there. I must remind you, however, that the presence of doubt doesn’t equal the absence of God.
To our own fault, we sometimes equate God’s presence to the good times. When we have control over our plans. Or when we have a healthy family. Or when there’s money in the bank.
But let’s consider doubt.
If you doubt your plant is growing, does it mean it’s in fact not growing?
If you doubt the good intentions of a friend because of your own insecurities, does it mean their intentions were in fact not good?
If you doubt a parent’s love as a child because you carried a burden of discipline, does it mean they did in fact not love you?
When you don’t understand the season you’re in, it’s okay to doubt God. But it doesn’t mean he’s left you in the dark.
It’s actually essential to doubt God if you desire a relationship with him. We have this beautiful ability to process information on our own; to test, and doubt, and reflect, and search, because God wants us to come to our own conclusions. We have this freedom and privilege because it helps strengthen our relationship with him.
A God that forces you to love him, isn’t a good God at all. When you choose to love him after going through the valleys and mountains doubt might take you through, it reflects the purest form of love.
Doubt is not the opposite of faith. Certainty is.
So doubt all you want. Dwell in doubt for a bit if you have to, but don’t let it deceive you into thinking you don’t have faith.
Think about it.
When you doubt yourself, you don’t lose faith in yourself; you merely give yourself room to explore the intricacies of your makeup for a time. You give yourself permission to ask the hard questions about yourself in order to grow, learn, and to believe in yourself all over again, with stronger conviction.
In crisis intervention we’re taught to make sure the person in crisis feels empowered to make their own decisions because we don’t save them, they save themselves. They take their thoughts, hold them, and let them move on by, essentially taking control over their choices and their emotions. And, that’s how they can move forward in strength.
In the same way, God gives us the opportunity to choose him because he wants us to feel empowered. But with this choice comes the journey of doubting and believing. Because again, a God that forces you to love him isn’t a loving God at all.
So, it’s okay to doubt God’s goodness sometimes. As long as you rest knowing it’s not a verdict of your lack of faith.