You will cry. A lot. You’ll tear up occasionally throughout the week, and then there will come several days when you save your tears for the privacy of your shower, and then one night you’ll be sobbing out loud, praying that your neighbors can’t hear, and feeling like you, for some reason, failed yourself.
There will be heightened internal negativity, more of “you’re stupid” and “this is all your fault” and “you don’t deserve anybody.” This will double when others pick up on your cold mood. It will triple when you feel guilty and start pitying yourself.
You’ll start questioning people who barely know you, needing to know if you’re annoying or unlikable or just incapable of being tolerated. You will get angry because no one has an answer, or one that you agree with; you will get sad because you mistake that “No!” or “Of course not!” or “You’re a nice person, no one could hate you!” as disappointment disguised as a compliment.
And then you’ll cry some more and wonder if you were cursed in a past life or perhaps while you were sleeping, where someone decided you’re better off alone for this period of time despite all the pain and doubt it puts you through. Because you’re hurting, but if a person you love doesn’t love you, then you decide that no one can.
People say it gets better. You’re tired of being fed lies, and even more tired of believing them, but right now you just want something to hold on to. And maybe that’s true. Maybe five months or one year or even four years down the line, things will get better for you.
And if not, then you’re one hell of a fighter.