This Is The Love Letter I’ll Never Let You Read

Falling in love with you was never the plan. We were friends that met at the perfect time, when the universe knew we needed each other. I can still remember the day we met and how I knew from that first moment that you were going to be someone special in my life. Your smile was infectious, and you commanded the presence of everyone in the room. When I think about that day, I never could have imagined how my heart would open to you. I never could have imagined how easy it would feel to be around you. That’s what love is supposed to feel like, though, isn’t it? It shouldn’t be a game, it should be two people who make each other feel deeply seen. That’s what you do for me; you make me feel seen so deeply that I could never go back.

When I’m around you, I sink into comfort like it’s my favorite reading chair. It feels easy and natural to be there, almost like it was meant for us all along. We are not an “us”, though. I have thought of all the ways I could tell you how I feel, but it always comes back to the thought that I could lose what little bit of you I currently have. It’s selfish and self-destructive, but when you have this type of connection, you hold on to it. Some would call this love unrequited, but it will never be the case because I’ll never tell you.

Maybe someday I’ll look back and laugh, having moved on. Perhaps years from now, I will tell you about the time I spent loving you from afar. Today will not be that day, though. Instead, I will be grateful for what loving you has done for me. Loving you has shown me what I can truly have in a partner. While my heart misses you often, I will take our inside jokes and knowing glances across a crowded room. I will tell you how much I adore you and what your friendship means to me. I will hold on to this love that I can’t imagine ever feeling with another.

Thank you for this love. Thank you for all the things you do that piss me off, make me laugh, make me proud of you, and most of all, make me so happy for that sunny summer day that I got to see your smile for the first time. I’m writing down these words so I never forget these feelings. While I yearn to move on and let you go, I never want to forget this. I never want to forget the moment I woke up to what love could really be like. Loving you has been a gift that I will always cherish, even if it’s a gift that you’ll never get to open.

About the author
California living, and learning to know and love my authentic self. Follow Amanda on Instagram or read more articles from Amanda on Thought Catalog.

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