If you have a big family like mine, going around the dining-room table—and the kitchen table, and the table in the corner with the kids—and sharing what you’re thankful for can be an exhausting task. And your family, like mine, may also have a ridiculous unwritten rule that you can’t be thankful for the same thing as someone else. (I’ll have you know, multiple people can be thankful for wine, and I should be able to express my thanks verbally and also through the physical drinking of all the wine.)
Here are 10 things I am thankful for this Thanksgiving (and 5 things I’m definitely not). I guarantee that my grandma’s list is different.
Things I’m Thankful For This Thanksgiving:
Without it I’d probably be fired.
How else would I talk to my friends all day?
3. Vodka Sodas
What else would I blame my bad decisions on?
Swiping right leads to free drinks, free food, and free bad date stories.
Getting home on a Saturday at 4AM would be much more difficult without them.
I would literally have no sense of current events without it.
7. Shonda Rhimes
Sitting on the couch in my pajamas, anxiously awaiting copious amounts of drama and sex is my kind of Happy Hour.
8. My boyfriend
Just kidding. Single. As. Fuck.
So I can feel better about myself when I eat a family-sized bag of Doritos in one sitting.
10. Taylor Swift
Dancing alone in my bedroom has never been more satisfying.
Things I’m NOT Thankful For This Thanksgiving:
Facebook messages do not count as a viable way to ask a girl out.
It’s a love/hate relationship.
3. That bowl of Brussels sprouts I ate for dinner last night
Brussels sprouts, Brussels sprouts, they’re good for your heart; the more you eat them, the more—you get the point.
Because watching anything not on Netflix becomes a lot harder
5. The refresh button when I’m anxiously awaiting an email
An email watched never comes.