1. Dish on all the family secrets.
Like the truth behind your dad’s first marriage, what really happened during your cousin’s stint in jail, or which one of your siblings is actually the favorite. It all comes tumbling out after the third cocktail.
2. Witness their wild side.
Whether it’s your mom coaxing her dog to take a shit on the evil neighbor’s lawn or your dad buying a fourth round of shots and getting his ear pierced, there’s nothing more exciting than getting to see the liquid magic take effect on the old folks who raised you.
3. Enjoy their drunken generosity as they inevitably pay for everything.
Luckily even your parents have the ability to get spendy after a couple drinks. Live it up as they flaunt their middle-aged bank accounts to the tune of a $200 meal, your cab ride home and some “extra spending money for tomorrow, sweetie.”
4. Confess all the terrible mischief you made behind their backs as a kid.
Now that you’re fully lubed up with truth serum and no longer living under their roof, there’s no better time to brag about that rager you threw while they were visiting your grandma in Orlando or the bottle of vodka you stole from the back of their liquor cabinet before Prom. And it’s nice to get it off your chest too.
5. Get them to MAKE YOU FOOD.
Screw the 3am drive-thru. Getting drunk with your mom means having the privilege of stuffing your face with her homemade lasagna and chocolate pie.
6. Grill them on the debauchery they got themselves into when they were your age.
Yeah that’s right, turn the tables on them. You’ve always wanted to know, and they’re finally willing to tell…don’t let this opportunity slip away.
Suddenly dropping the F bomb every other word like you do in your everyday life doesn’t feel so inappropriate.
8. Listen to their advice.
Since their opinions aren’t clouded by the filters and parental judgment afforded by the sober light of day, they might actually have something insightful to say about your life. Listen to them as their inhibitions fall and logic emerges.
9. Have gushy heart to hearts about how glad you are to have each other as family.
Why not have a drunken festival of over-zealous compliments, confessional fan-girling and genuine “I love yous” with the two people who mean the most? You’ll be too drunk to get that icky feeling in the morning anyway.