22 Thoughts You’ll Experience During Bikram Yoga

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1. This isn’t too bad — like a more humid version of the Sahara Tent. This is fine.

2. Why is everyone naked? Everyone is so naked. I feel uncomfortably close to genitalia.

3. Is that inner thigh muscle? Can you have inner thigh muscle? I bet there’s a weird name for it. I have to google that later…

4. It’s really hot.

5. I think my pores are being exorcised.

6. Am I sweating more than everyone else? I think I am sweating more than everyone else.

7. I think my inner thigh muscles are sweating.

8. I am definitely sweating more than everyone else.

9. I deserve a cheeseburger.

10. Is that what my vagina looks like in yoga pants? STOP IT VAGINA, YOU’RE EMBARRASSING US!

11. I need to remove a layer of clothing…or skin. I can’t stop sweating.

12. I could probably do that move too. I just need to have a few ribs removed…

13. What is that smell? Is that Patchouli? Why does it smell like Patchouli?

14. Don’t forget to google what Patchouli is later.

15. I don’t know what Kombucha is, BUT I THINK I NEED SOME.

16. Why did I pick a spot near the mirror? No one should have to see me like this.

17. OH MY GOD. I think I sweat off my eyebrows.

18. Am I still breathing?

19. It’s still too hot. Can I take off my pants? I don’t think anyone would notice.

20. Child’s pose is great!

21. Don’t fall asleep. Don’t fall asleep.

22. I did it! Namastay’ on my mat for a bit longer.