I know you never liked me, and I do not blame you because I never actually liked you either. In all honesty I never wasted energy in forming an opinion about you because I liked that you made my best friend happy. To me, his happiness is all that matters so I kept my distance and carried out my role as the supportive best friend.
I stood by and watched as you dazzled him with your charm and made him fall in love with you.
You had him convinced you were perfect and as time went on, you almost convinced me too.
But when your true colors began shining through, you blind-sided him and left him hurt.
I truly had no problem with you until you did that.
He loved you too much to ever hate you, and I admire that about him. It is yet another reminder of why he is a much better person than you.
I know the reality is that you don’t deserve him and I am thankful you have now come to this realization.
But he does not see it this way.
As I said, he does not hate you and he never will. But I sure as hell do.
I try to refrain from using the word hate because it is so painfully harsh, but in this instance it is the only word that seems fitting.
I hate you for what you did to him.
You are like a toddler who went through a room and destroyed it, leaving a disastrous mess behind. As a nanny, I am used to having to clean up such messes. The only difference is that you do not have the excuse of actually being a toddler. You are just a self-absorbed twenty-something year old, but I am still left to clean up this mess you have so thoughtlessly created.
I am the one who sees the repercussions of what you’ve done. I’m the one he came crying to that awful night you shattered his heart. I am the one who has been scrambling to pick up the fragile pieces and gently fitting them back in to place.
I am also the one who can so clearly see what a mistake you made because the amount of love he had for you is stunningly clear now that you have left him alone and so utterly vulnerable. There is no question that he would have devoted his whole life to you because, in his eyes, you are perfect.
However, I am also the one who knows he is going to be okay because, unlike you, I recognize how absolutely amazing he is and I will continue to remind him of that until he finds a girl who will appreciate him the way you failed to.
You may be confused as to why I feel so strongly about this situation… The truth is, in breaking his heart you have also broken mine. I had to witness my outgoing, carefree, optimistic best friend become a broken, depressed, and miserable person. If you’ve ever had the misfortune of watching someone you love so deeply deteriorate before your eyes, you know how truly painful this is.
I want to be sure you realize this is not in any way to threaten you, nor is it to wish you a lifetime of unhappiness. It’s simply to let you know that you have made a terrible mistake in letting this man go and to warn you that someday, you will definitely regret it. When that day comes, and you beg him to take you back, know that I will be there reminding him of what you did. The pain you caused him. The anguish he felt.
And then, when he rejects you and continues on living the amazing life I know he will, you can hate me too.