i’ve been trying not to fall in love with you.
i’ve been trying not to imagine what your morning breath smells like, and the jokes we would share every night right before we drift off to sleep.
I’ve been trying to tell myself that love is nothing but endings,
and we would be nothing but destruction.
i’ve been trying not to imagine your voice after three cigarettes when you whisper that you love me.
i’ve been trying to imagine what goodbye sounds like through your clenched jaw.
i’ve been trying to forget that you cleared the mess from my head
and I keep trying to shove chaos back into my membrane so i go back to the person I was before you.
i’ve been failing at everything.