I’m more apt to experience the high and low spectrum of emotions than some people. I jump back and forth and experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I’ve watched how intense my emotions can be and how deep they run inside of me.
The high. A wavelength so strong that you believe grandiose thoughts about yourself and your life, and continue to believe them for a period of time. It’s exciting; it’s freeing; it’s exhilarating. It’s like you can drive for a million miles through the mountains and deserts of this country and feel so one with yourself. But it’s also scary. It’s a tornado that wraps you up and tosses and turns you until you’re so discombobulated that you feel lost. You don’t realize it, but you’re broken into a million pieces and can’t seem to figure out exactly how to put it all back together.
The low. Washing over you like hot water in the shower, it rains down on you while you stand there, numb. You now see gray and feel lifeless. Not willing to act on anything, no hope for the future, no end in sight. It’s an endless dark tunnel that you’re standing in alone and no matter how loud you scream, your cries go unheard. You’re fading into a version of yourself that you don’t recognize and now everything feels meaningless.
Somewhere in between the depths of the two, remains you. Sometimes it’s hard to decipher yourself among all the noise you hear inside.
But at the end of the day, during or after the emotional volcano has erupted and ashes are falling everywhere, you remember you are still lying somewhere beneath it all and have control over your brain and you will seek out the things that will lessen the blow of your emotions.
Looking back and beyond all of the chaos that happened in my head, I realize I’m not falling into the depths and I’m not speeding ahead and just waiting to crash anymore, I’m finally standing still, feet firm on the ground and stepping. One foot after the other. Taking it day by day.
Even though my emotions may be all over the place sometimes, I now understand that they don’t define me and that I can find peace within myself amongst all of the highs and lows. There is a middle ground. And if you’re at all feeling lost between the two, please don’t believe that you’re broken. You’re stronger than you know and soon you will find your way. One step at a time.