On Being Single For The Foreseeable Future

I’ve been dating pretty consistently for three years. I’ve probably been on approximately 30-40 dates. Needless to say, none of them have panned out. You could say I’m burnt out, you could say I am giving up, but I just say I’m breaking free.

I’m stepping away from all of the one-liners, all of the “you up?” texts, all of the “I don’t know what I’m looking for” and “I don’t see this going any further” phrases that I don’t deserve. I didn’t sign up to have boys complain to me, to have grown men use me and throw me out when they were done. No. I’ve let it go on too long.

Because the truth really is that it’s not worth it. I get that people should have a certain openness to it, but I have had the worst luck of luck that could be and I’m done with being that girl who’s sitting across the table at that cocktail bar making small talk. For what? Another three-date fling? Another guy who doesn’t have an inkling of what they want or when they’ll actually take dating seriously?

I’m looking for something real. Something visceral. Something that exceeds this horrendous loop that I’ve been trapped in. I’m ready to move on from it completely.

What’s next? I don’t know. I guess I’ll be that Millennial who’s checked out and chalks life up to “finding myself”—whatever that means. But it’s time to dig deeper. It’s time to put the nonsense aside and live. 

So here’s to taking a chance on life and to new adventures. Here’s to embracing the single life and accepting I’m not like 99% of the people I know who have found that person now that we’re in our late 20s. That’s not meant for me. And I’m learning to be okay with that. Beyond okay with it; happy with it. Taking one step forward every day into a life I’ve created and that I deserve. May the chips fall where they may. TC mark

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Deep talks over everything. Follow Amanda on Instagram or read more articles from Amanda on Thought Catalog.

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