You cried in your bed last night because you knew. You knew whatever “this” was never going to be was over, and for good this time.
You cried of relief, sadness, and secretly happiness. You wasted so much of your time waiting for him.
But he was never going to be ready.
He was never going to start anything with you. All along you knew this, you knew, but couldn’t accept it. You couldn’t come to terms with reality. But let’s be real for a second here, is anyone ever “ready”? I say no.
No one is ever “ready” for love. You can’t prepare for what it will do to you- if this even is love. You don’t have the ability choose who you fall for. You can’t choose the fights, the struggles, the distance. However, you have the ability to choose if you walk away from someone. You have the option to do nothing with it too. You can stay, if you want. You can leave as well. You can waste it, or you can pursue it. But, if someone does nothing with it, and leaves you stuck- you have to get yourself out of the quicksand, because that’s all you ever will be. A quick, falling, desperate girl waiting. You don’t want to be that girl anymore.
It’s all on you- remember that. It has and always is on you. Someone else out there will not give you excuses. Someone else will want to put their time and effort in. Someone else out their wont need to know if they’re “ready” they’ll just be with you. Someone else is out there.
You have to validate your feelings and listen to yourself- that’s a choice you have to make. You know yourself better than anyone else.
You know he is never going to change, so what are you going to do to change that? Are you going to let it always be his way? Are you going to continue wasting your time on someone who is never going to be ready to love you the way you want to be loved? Because that won’t change and you can’t no matter how much you try- change a boy. He’s either not ready to man up or he’s just keeping you at a distance, because he knows you’ll always come back. He’s never going to be the man you envisioned him to develop into. Are you ready to walk away? I mean it for real this time. Can you look in the mirror and say it?
Do something good with all of that effort you invested that wasn’t for yourself. Use all of that energy you were willing to give in, that you tried to give into a failed relationship into yourself- not someone else. Please, work on yourself, because you’re going to need to after this one. He’s done a lot to you by doing nothing at all. I am sorry that you had to put up with this for so long, but it’s been on you all along. You have to make the change. You have to want to change for the benefit of yourself.
There may be an “us” in “focus” but you can’t do that if you haven’t done it for “u” yet. Focus on yourself for a bit.
It takes two to make something work, and two to break it.
It only takes one person to walk away, to step aside and acknowledge that it’s not healthy or beneficial.
Maybe “walking away” isn’t the right term… don’t neglect the problem, just walk. Walk east, west, north, south. Walk in circles for a while if you need to. Just whatever you do, find out what is on the other side. There are so many brighter sights to see than this dim, fading light that you’ve been fighting to turn off.