Do you wonder if you’re in one?
Being in an abusive relationship doesn’t just mean the physical abuse, although that comes later on.
It starts off emotionally.
I was in an abusive relationship with my ex-boyfriend. The abuse didn’t just happen like that. At the start, everything was going well. I never thought he’d even lay a finger on me nor did I think much of “abusive relationships”.
Before I dated him, I had always thought that when my friends got cheated on. It was a big deal and that she should definitely leave him. To think if someone laid a finger on me, I would have left in a blink.
But no. I got cheated on eventually and being soft hearted, I decided to give the guy a second chance.
I always thought probably one day he might change or kept the promises he made. That’s what put me through a hell of those years.
It starts off as phone calls that turn to more calls even as you’re just going grocery shopping or even working.
Text messages saying he might find another girl if you weren’t going to stay the night.
Demeaning messages telling you all the words you didn’t want to hear. Accusing you of things you never did.
Wanting proof of every single thing you do. Inform everything you did, what did you buy, what time did you leave and what time did you get back home.
One day things got out of hand and you got hit or found bruises on your hand because of the tight grips. Being in an abusive relationship, it changes everything.
Friends? I lost many of my friends.
My friends think I’m either too busy or couldn’t be bothered with them but the truth is, I just can’t.
That’s alright, I’d much rather let them think that than to know the truth that I am so ashamed of.
I can only go out really late at night because then he’d be sleeping but my friends wouldn’t be free and the next day I’d have work in the morning, so I’d be too tired.
If I choose to go, I would just come back to a lot of yelling on the phone and having to argue over the same thing for the next few hours.
The relationship also gets to a stage where I have to send a video to prove I am at work. I had to send pictures of who I was sitting next to in family dinners with relatives.
I lost the chance to do so many things and missed out on so much.
I tell my friends that I would see them soon when actually I honestly don’t know when that ‘soon’ will be.
I know they are sick of my words but I just don’t want them to be as disappointed at me as I already am at myself.
People asked me one question. Why didn’t you leave? The truth was I couldn’t.