1. You spend way too much time over-thinking what will happen on the first date. You don’t know what to talk about with someone you barely know, and you don’t know what to wear because it’s only going to coffee so you should look casual but you also want to wear something really hot and you end up sending pictures of all your clothing options to your best friends begging for help.
2. You get your signals crossed and show up at a different Starbucks than the one he is at because there are LITERALLY three Starbucks’ within a two-mile radius and two of them are off of the same street.
3. You end up being grateful for the mix-up because when you finally end up at the same place you have something to laugh about and there is instantly an ice breaker.
4. The date goes really well. He pays for your tea, you have everything in common except for the fact that he’s a baseball coach and you know nothing about baseball other than that it bores you if you have to watch more than one inning. You end up talking for such a long time that Starbucks kicks you out—and you still don’t go home. You sit on the benches outside and keep talking for another hour.
5. When he walks you to your car and the awkward “do we kiss goodnight” moment happens, you move your head away a little because you’re not sure you want that yet. But he asks you out again anyway.
6. And you say yes and smile all the way home.
7. Then you get home and realize nobody has excited you since your ex, and you start missing him a little. But then your date texts you saying “I’m so excited to see you again,” and you stop missing your ex for a little while.
8. You don’t stay excited for the next few days before you see him again. In fact, you don’t really think about him at all until he texts you, but you only have short conversations of the “How was your day?” “Good, how was yours?” variety.
9. The next time you see him it’s a little awkward, but he bought your favorite pizza and you start talking and remember why you hit it off the first time. You sit hand-in-hand looking at the stars and he tells you about his friends and that you’re beautiful and then he kisses you, something you knew he was trying to work up the courage to do all night.
10. And he sucks at it.
11. But you hope that the longer you go the more he will improve. After all, the first kiss you had with your ex was also pretty terrible. But he only improves to a so/so level.
12. He catches you off-guard when he asks you to spend the night. You wonder if things are supposed to move this quickly. You tell him that you don’t want to have sex with him, but he still wants you to stay so you can “cuddle” and so he can cook you breakfast in the morning.
13. You like breakfast so you stay. But when he said he wanted to cuddle all night, you realize he actually meant it and you don’t sleep at all because a guy is squeezing you against him so you can’t roll over and it’s excessively hot and you don’t think breakfast was worth this.
14. The next morning his breakfast consists of coffee. And that’s all.
15. You decide to try it one more time because you might be comparing him too harshly to your ex. But he only gets worse, your conversation is minimal, and later when he climbs on top of you, you just want him to get off. You try and remember a time when making out with a guy wasn’t so torturous. And when he tries to take it further you pretend to fall asleep. The next morning you go home and eat a bagel and don’t give him another thought. You don’t think you’re really ready to date after all.