I Wonder If You’ll Ever Be Honest

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Shifaaz shamoon

You once told me that my words were cheap, nothing more than “teenage Tumblr bullshit.”

You claimed my words meant nothing and had been stolen from writers who came before me.

Such harsh accusations from someone who plagiarizes his own love letters. You recycle your own words, spitting out the exact same lies to a new heart.

I wonder just how many times you told some poor soul she was the love of your life. I’m not dumb enough to believe it’s only been two of us.

I wonder how many times you’ve claimed that love at first sight existed because of the fact that the very first moment you met us you realized we were different and special.

I wonder how many times you said it was beyond your control the pull you had towards someone. It’s bullshit that you claim you didn’t have a choice. 

I wonder how many hearts you fooled by accusing us of ‘voodoo’ or ‘witchcraft’ because we’ve clearly worked our magic on you. I wonder how many of them blushed when you told them is both terrified and excited you.

I wonder if you use the same harsh and hurtful words with all of us when things end. Do you recycle the same words when falling out of love that you do when falling into it?

I wonder how many times a week you check up on me after having said you would stop. You cannot give me hell for not getting over it when you haven’t either.

I wonder if you check up on all of us. I wonder why you still care. 

I wonder if you know that there is a difference between ‘moving on’ and ‘getting over.’

I’ve still got a lot to say. Maybe it is all a bunch of teenage Tumblr bullshit but at least it’s honest.

I wonder if you could ever say the same. TC mark

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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