Goodbye was never in your preferred vocabulary. It was too fleeting, too reminiscent of the endings you feared. Closed doors were too claustrophobic. You needed that opening, that shed of light that came through the small vicinity left opened. You needed that hope, that perceived hope that things could get better if you just held on. You always had a penchant for holding on, even if the very thing you held was the source of your pain. You could not distinguish hope from harm. It was your hamartia I guess.
Goodbye was never in your preferred vocabulary but it will be now. It’s time you expanded your vernacular. It’s time you understood the true depths of what you always feared. It’s time you reimagined the connotation of endings. It’s time we closed that door and let you bask in sheer darkness.
I can sense your anxiety. Your fingers are shaking. Your breathing is uneven. Sweat trickles down your spine and your pupils dilate in fear. You don’t want to be here. The voices in your mind shriek dictating you to run but there is nowhere for you to go. The blackness of your surroundings invalidates an exit plan.
It’s time for you to give in. It’s time for you to understand that the darkness is not what you should fear. No, it’s the catalyst for what you wanted all along – a new beginning. You see, you can’t fully open the next door, if you don’t shut the doors of your past. You’ve been blinded for so long by what you thought was light. You’ve been so naïve. You thought your old ways were the only paths you had. But little did you know, there was a new sentence on the other end of that period you were so adamantly stuck on.
This is how you begin, again. Stand here in this darkened room, and shed off your old layers. Toss out your insecurities and your naiveties. Discard away what no longer serves you. It feels cold I know. You no longer have the false warmth that held you back, those unreciprocated relations, those ties that broke you down instead of building you up. Today we say goodbye to them, to everything. Say goodbye to the person you thought you were. It’s not easy, I know. Your trembling as you let go of your old self. Yet, as the final piece of your old self hits the floor, blink a few times and you will see a bright luminesce coming from the distance. What is it? I can’t say. It’s for you to discover so that is what you do, taking a step forward towards the unwritten.