You probably didn’t notice it at first. You didn’t notice the wounds on your soul even though your spirit was bleeding out. Maybe you didn’t choose to see it. Maybe you knew in the back of your mind but chose to dismiss it. Maybe you were too scared to admit it. Maybe you were so used to be kicked down that you forgot you deserved to be treated with respect. Maybe you forgot what respect looked like and only knew the feeling of being a punching bag for broken people and their perpetual pain.
You probably also thought you could be the reflection point of change. You held on to the ill-fated idea of changing the culprit. You thought this time, this time they will change. You went through so many second chances tossing them freely even though nothing ever improved. It became a joke evident to everyone else around you but something you couldn’t let go. You knew of reality in the depths of your mind but you were too naïve and too kind spirited to do the deed. You never liked endings. You never liked losing people.
You’re naturally inclined to be a fixer. You wanted to heal this person that hurt you over and over. You kept waiting for them to snap out of it, rectify what you felt was a momentary lapse in judgment. But that’s the thing about toxic people, there is no momentary lapse in character but just an assembly line of malice and pain. They’ve always been this way. The signs were always there but you just dismissed them. You justified the earlier transgressions as momentary lapses as you do with all of them. How many momentary lapses can a person have? The answer is none. The thing about toxic people is that they show you their true nature in the first instance they subject you to their misery
It doesn’t have to be this way though. You have the power and will to end these relationships. You might be met with resistance. The toxic person might attempt to throw a façade of guilt at you. They might accuse you of not being a good person or friend. They will manipulate you for leaving them while they are struggling. Whether their claims are true or not is not important. Hurt people don’t have to inflict their hurt onto others – it’s a choice. Hurt people don’t hurt people they supposedly love; if they actually cared about love, they would seek help on their own. Their recovery is not your responsibility. You owe them nothing. You are not their savior. You are not their fucking guardian angel. Close the door on their toxicity and let them rot in their own self-inflicted malice.
It’s about time you put yourself first. It’s about time you finally looked at treating those wounds on your soul. It’s about time you rediscovered your own interests and happiness and allowed your bright spirit to shine again. It’s about time you allowed yourself to be around good people with good energy and good vibes. And anytime you find yourself at the receiving end of toxicity, burn that bridge and remind yourself of this fundamental truth – you deserve to be around people who recharge you, not those that drain you.