This is a flower for you. A single flower because honestly, I’m too broke for a full bouquet. Well, I’m not that broke because technically my accounts aren’t in the negative but you get the point. I’m not rich enough to entertain the idea of disposable income. Too many grown-up things to consider and all. But I figured a single flower wouldn’t deem me as a complete cheap ass. Did I just say that? I apologize. I guess this entire ramble isn’t as poetic as you would expect and trust me, I had a better articulation intended.
This is a flower for you, whoever that may be. It’s not a romantic gesture. It’s not a rose for a reason. It’s a sunflower, I think. I’m not an expert of flowers or of anything substantial. I would assume that an expert of flowers would also be the type of person who has their shit together, you know that Pinterest archetype, the epitome of organization and ideas. I am neither of those things. I’m just a disarray of productivity. I’m good at doing many things simultaneously. I like to call it multi-tasking but I read a while back that such a concept was nonexistent. I was incredibly sad that day, which I hope you aren’t ever. If you are, look at this flower. It’s like a natural cure for such feelings. I read that too somewhere.
This is a flower for you, and I know what you’re thinking, it’s a picture of a flower. Where is the real thing? The real thing is probably at the local grocery store where I once bought flowers. Do we even have florists left these days? I know, I know now you must be furious. Yes, I once bought flowers and broke my self-inflicted cheap ass rules of spending money and decided to be frivolous for one day. It was a glorious day, I will purposely add to aggravate your fury. The sun was shining, the birds were singing which was all followed by equally predictable cliches of a good day. I bought these flowers and I remember feeling so incredibly happy. They smelled better than a dozen Bath and Body works candles combined. I know that wasn’t the best representation but my ability to create distinct metaphors of happiness from those flowers is limited because the feeling itself has become overdone.
We talk a lot about happiness, its creation, its absence and its implications. We almost romanticize it as a particular state of being we must obtain, and if we do, we’re supposedly rewarded with some infinite paradise but I’m starting to believe the contrary. The true depiction of happiness isn’t pretty, it’s an ugly strenuous journey to nowhere. It’s all just a broken promise land that no drugs, no person or no object itself can guarantee because happiness isn’t a certainty. It’s yet another blurry extension of life in general. It comes and goes like the ebb of water at sea. It’s fleeting, its peak confined to particular occasions and moments but its longevity is seen in the subtle choices and perspectives we make on a daily basis. It’s a little hard to swallow this reality but the sooner you do, the more it will feel like you’ve reached the promised land. You won’t ever actually reach it, but that isn’t the goal anyway. To feel something is not a physical space we inhabit, it’s a mental experience reflective of both our cognitive and emotional intelligence. And it takes time and practice to build up this skill, to undo years of damaging conditioning, but you can begin here and now on this cusp of a new beginning and whatever hopes it gives you.
This is a flower for you, a picture of a flower because real flowers die, and I think you deserve something that won’t perish after a few days, something unyielding to mortality or any other gruesome force. You experience enough of life and its endless bullshit as is, so here’s to taking a moment back each day and redefining it to serve your purpose. Here’s to self-love, and to gratitude and appreciation. Here’s to knowing that you’ve done enough and to actually believing that you are enough. Here’s to being a bit more kind to your old soul and admiring the beautiful delicacy of its strength. Here’s to you, finally realizing your true worth and all of the brightness and potential for happiness that it elicits.