I wish you could see what my eyes can. I wish you could see the magnificence I wake up to every morning. I wish you could see the way your messy hair frames your sleeping silhouette. I wish you could see the way the morning light from the corner window illuminates your face. I wish you could see all of the minuscule but significant details of your beauty the way I do in every moment. I wish you could see me leaning over into your ears and whispering those three words and eight letters.
I wish you could hear the certainty in my words when I say with unyielding conviction that I love you.
But you don’t.
What you see is something quite different. You see a fragmented soul, one not worthy of such complimentary remarks. You see a lost soul, one whose face breeds of uncertainty and whose eyes elicit an unsettling vacancy. You see a soul scarred by life and all of its endless difficulties. You see a soul whose faith is broken, whose faith in the certitude of loving and being loved has ceased.
This is the divergent perception of an imbalanced love where one believes wholeheartedly it its potential and the other can only fathom its uncertainties. There is no conviction; there is only doubt. There is no confidence; there is only apprehension. There is no resoluteness; there is only fear, the fear of unworthiness.
This is what it feels like to love someone who doesn’t believe that they deserve it.
It feels frustrating because it’s a constant battle trying to persuade them of your love.
It feels tiresome when they still won’t believe you after all of your efforts of showing them of how worthy they truly are. It feels unreciprocated and one-sided when their eyes stare back at you in doubt each time you say I love you and they question its validity.
Yet, despite these shortcomings, it is your love for them that keeps you going. Despite their apprehension, it is your love for them that keeps you motivated. Because when you say I love you it is not just a verbal declaration of emotion but a continuous promise to never give up on the potential of love. To love someone is a steadfast undertaking to persist and resist all barriers even those we internally obstruct. To love someone who doesn’t believe that they deserve it, is a testament to the true meaning of love; it’s the promise to be patient enough to wait and unfathomed by opposing forces. It’s the commitment to love to a greater extent, to shower one with adoration and to show someone how worthy they are of receiving it.
You may not see what I do right now, you may not see the value of your being but I’ll keep believing for you even if you don’t.
I’ll keep believing in this love, in your worth and in us, until you do.