There’s something different in the air today. It’s colder than usual. The clouds appear darker and cover the entire sky, concealing any possibility of sunlight peaking through. You check to make sure your jacket’s buttons are all fastened but a few are broken. You pull down the sleeves of your shirt to cover that little bit of space not covered by your gloves but they aren’t long enough. You want to maintain some level of warmth amidst the unusually colder day but your efforts have little effect.
There’s something different in the air today and it’s not just the cold. There’s something bothering you. There’s another problem to add to the growing issues of concern. They always pile up without ever being resolved. Maybe it’s a work thing, a family problem or a personal insecurity but it’s more severe today than usual.
Usually, these problems may appear tolerable but today, they accumulate into a catalyst of emotion. Just one more problem and you might unravel.
That’s the last thing you need – a breakdown. You can’t afford such a disruption. You can’t afford to be broken. You are barely holding on as is anyway. You’re thinned to the bone, so many obligations and responsibilities to manage. There are bills that need to be paid and people that need to be looked after. You can’t take a leave of absence from your own life. You don’t have the resources to budget such an absurdity.
You may not be okay, but you need to appear okay. You need the façade of the functioning merry go round. A few seats may be missing and the ride might run a little slower than its former potential, but it’s still trudging along. You need to move along too. There’s so much depending on you, so many factors at stake that you need to be circling life’s charade.
It’s a charade for sure. Waking up, when you would rather spend the day in bed.
Going to school knowing a degree won’t guarantee you anything. Going to work to pay for the home you’re hardly in and the materialistic things you buy to fill your voids. Talking to people about the topics that do little to inspire you but mostly
exhaust you. Repeating this cycle day after day becomes a struggle and on a day like today, when you’re on a brink of a catastrophe, it only worsens the situation.
There’s something different about today. There’s something off-putting and bothersome. You can sense it in the emergence of your annoyance and impatience.
The weather is colder, people are more irritating and life is just more exhausting.
You’re having a bad day and there may not be a sensible reason. The destitute hits you harder today, and you’ve never felt more drained. It’s just a bad day, you tell yourself in some comforting effort but it becomes more worrisome when it’s not a single day affair. It’s particularly alarming when you wake up the next day and the day after that with that same odd feeling, the same dread and the same bleak outlook that marks your somber existence.