Why It’s Not Okay To Lose Yourself In Love

Alicia Soltani
Alicia Soltani

People often talk about losing themselves in love. They talk about wanting to be so in love with someone that everything else in the world just fades into the background. They want to be so in love with someone that they can only clearly see the other person. They start to love them more than they love themselves. While some see that as a step toward great love, I see it as a fault.

Someone should not be so in love that they lose themselves… So in love that they forget to be the person they fell in love with in the first place. One day, everything that you do is for your own singular happiness. And then you find someone who makes you forget to do those things. Your primary focus is doing everything possible to make them happy. But how are you supposed to be happy if you aren’t doing the things that make you who you’ve always been?

Last night I realized that I had not written a song since I had entered my relationship. I’ve stopped singing- something that has always made me immensely happy. And it’s not because he made me stop. He would never do that. It was one of the things he loved about me when we first got together. I just… forgot. I forgot to keep singing and writing. I forgot to do the thing that makes me the happiest because I was so focused on my relationship and making my boyfriend happy. I forgot to be my own person. Instead, we both became one half of a person. I don’t know how or when this happened, but it did.

Sometimes, when you enter a relationship, you become someone who lives to make your significant other happy. But you forget that in the beginning, you were a completely different person. He fell for a completely different person than I am now. How is he supposed to stay in love with me if I forget to do the things that I am passionate about?

I don’t want to be the woman who loses herself in another person. I want to be the woman who grows as her own whole person, while he does the same. I want us to support each other, even if that means letting one go off and do things that don’t involve the other. You have to be your own person. You have to continue to do things that made them fall for you in the first place. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. I have forgotten this… I lost myself awhile back, and I think it’s time that I find myself again. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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