12 Really Simple Steps To See If You’re A Bitter Ex-Girlfriend
By Alyssa Perez
1. You stare at his Facebook and prepare to make the biggest decision you will ever make in your life, blocking him as your Facebook friend.
But after hanging out with his profile for an hour or so, you end up closing the tab and let it be because you don’t want him to think you’re bitter. You are so not going to block him first. Never.
2. You go out with your friends at the club where you met him and reason out to them that no, you’re not hoping to see him, duh.
You just feel like dancing! You know, like causally bumping into a cute stranger or a hot ex. Casually.
3. You say to everyone – and what I mean by everyone is your friends, family, and those whom you ride with in the train, they do care! – that you’re moved on even though it has only been two nights since you’re breakup.
4. You announce to your friends that, Oh my Gosh you’ve got a new crush!
And this prospect is way better than him. He’s smarter, hotter and even more financially able! Great, right? And that you’re absolutely serious with him, it’s true. Rebound? What rebound?
5. You change your physical appearance and hairdo.
You work out more because you want to make him drool over to the new you. It’s completely normal, you say. So aside from working out and getting your belly-button pierced, you also cut your hair shorter, had a bangs, and had it streaked with bright blue and gold. So when you “accidentally” bump into him, you will have a big, blinking sign that says “She’s so gone, baby” over your head. I know, it’s completely normal.
6. You go out with your new “serious” relationship on that concert and your ex is going to be there to.
And sure, you didn’t see it in his twitter. So you “accidentally” (again) ran into him and you go all sweet to this new guy and say “Oh, he’s just so sweet! Last week he made this really cool candle lit dinner at the rooftop of our condo and we just had the best time ever!”
7. You rent 3 or more horror movies over the weekend or re-watch the whole Nightmare on Elm Street series.
Romantic movies are just too overrated.
8. You tell your friends, true love? That’s bullsh*t!
If they don’t end things now with their guys, they’ll end up crying over messed up love. End it now! Else, your guy will be the first to leave because they just can’t be with one woman. They will leave you and throw you away like a trash! They don’t deserve that, do they?
You were so passionate and convincing that they actually believe you. Now you’re not the only single and brokenhearted, hooray for a job well done, Ambassador of Ex-girlfriends.
9. That guy you were insisting that isn’t a rebound was his ex-girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend or his best bud.
Here comes the biggest punch in your pride, boy.
10. You send your ex “Wrong sent messages” that was obviously for your new guy intentionally sent to him.
Hoping that it can be a conversation starter and you will have the chance to tell him tales how the new guy kisses better and how you think he’s the one.
11. You HATE love quotes and romantic books.
They seem a little banal and unrealistic for a sophisticated, smart and focused woman like you. Right.
12. You’re actually making a checklist for bitter ex-girlfriends to see if you’re one.
Only, you ended up checking all items on the list including this last one. Damn.