You feel like every relationship is destined to fail as you find lust and call it love. Your choices reflect your behavior after every red flag waves you down, taunting you. You keep questioning what is that you’re doing wrong. You’re looking for love in all of the wrong places even if it doesn’t seem that way. You’ve found yourself at a new destination, but than déjà vu sinks in and you’re back where you started. Things go south, and you’re left drained even more than the time before. You come up short and wonder what it is that has to change about you. You think that you’re a disaster.
But I don’t think you’re a disaster, you’re just continuing to date them.
You date people who are unavailable, waiting it out for a different result. Your hope for a different outcome is crushed. Heartbreak starts to feel normal, growing into a standard with time. You blame yourself for your incapability of a stable relationship. Failure after failure, your criteria falls instead of rising. You don’t know a relationship without the drama as you dream of ease and simplicity. You take on all of the blame, wondering what you could be doing to break this cycle.
But you’re not a catastrophe. You may have found yourself in a whirlwind of situations that can only be described as a disaster, but these experiences will shape you without staying with you. They can be a part of your past without familiarity in your future.
It’s just that you haven’t been loved the way your soul craves and desires. You don’t know love without hate. You don’t understand communication without arguments. You don’t relate trust without betrayal. You can’t tell the truth without lies. You see a broken-down mess that you’ll never clean up, but you will.
You’ll learn that you don’t need to react to every situation. Not reacting is an act of itself. Silence is always a choice that can speak the loudest. Not everyone is worthy of a response. Be selfish and tactful with your energy. Be particular with who you share the most unique parts of yourself with. Don’t dwell on mistakes of the past and project them onto your today. Stop trying to take care of others and focus on nourishing yourself.
The day will come where you don’t know love without trust. You won’t recognize partnership without support. One day you’ll suddenly find yourself attracting entirely new audiences, and the hardships that came before will leave you unbreakable.
We’re all a disaster at one point or another. But your past and even your present do not have to limit your future.