I think we can always sense when someone is using us. But it hurts so we tend to ignore our instinct, stalling these negative feelings. Obvious or not, the unconscious part of our mind registers the information before our conscious side does. So, in order to be fully honest with yourself and understand the not so obvious signs, you need to understand both parts of your mind. Red flags may not always be visibly noticeable. So here’s your tough love reminder if you’ve found yourself in a relationship, you’re unsure of.

Here are 5 subtle signs that he may be using you:

1.  He gets a phone call in your presence and doesn’t mention you

There are always exceptions. But in general, if he’s taking phone calls when spending time with you and not mentioning who he’s with, it says a lot about how he values the relationship. If he’s not mentioning you while you’re right in front of him, you can be sure he’s not mentioning you when you aren’t around either. Whether he’s getting a phone call from family or friends, there is an opportunity to virtually introduce you to someone in his life. At the very least, he can familiarize someone in his life with your name. It’s also a sign that he has the interest to introduce you to people, sharing your relationship with others. If he’s not talking about you to his friends or family, he doesn’t see you in his picture. He’s using you for the time being.

2. He suddenly forgets something you talked about in depth or mentioned several times

This isn’t something serious, but rather a meaningful detail. It could be something as simple as your favorite food or favorite place to visit. Maybe it’s some insight about your childhood or something that happened at work. Something straightforward, but significant. Whatever you shared, if the guy you’re seeing forgets about something you’ve discussed extensively, they’re showing you that they aren’t listening to everything you’re saying. More importantly, they don’t care about what you’re saying.

3. If they don’t offer you a ride home after you spend the night at his place

In cases where you didn’t drive yourself, and you’re figuring out a way home, an opportunity to step in is presented for the guy. If he’s interested in you and your relationship, he will take advantage of the chance to drive you home. This opening gives you both more time to talk, for him to see where you live, and show that he’s in no rush for your interaction to end. Maybe you stop for coffee, or breakfast on the way there. But if they’re rushing you out the door and aren’t offering transportation solutions, they probably don’t care too much about the time spent with you. If they ignore opportunities to spend more time with you or get to know you better, they aren’t interested in the relationship progressing.

4. You must find excuses to initiate conversation in order to spark plan and see each other

You exhaust the times you initiate conversation in hopes that eventually the guy will change and eventually start initiating your communication. The fact of the matter is, if you let a guy use you, he will. If he doesn’t have to try, he’s not invested and therefore doesn’t have to wear the blame for leading you on. If you’re primarily starting off all your exchanges, your interactions are dependent on how convenient you are to the person you’re seeing.

5. If they downplay plans you’ve made the day of

So, the plans have been made and the day has arrived. The excitement builds, and you can’t wait for whatever it is you two end up doing. Suddenly, you realize that the two of you don’t have a specific time or place. When you do finally communicate with your guy, he says things like:

“What are you up to tonight?”
“Did you still want to do something tonight?”
“I’m kind of tired but I could maybe grab a drink”
“I don’t care what we do”

If he cares about the time you share, he’ll care about your plan. He’ll care enough to finalize things in advance and not at the last minute. If he’s using you, he’ll likely downplay the times you do have plans and turn it into a casual conversation as if you hadn’t made plans prior. If he’s not matching your excitement, he’s not phased by whether you two see each other or not.

What’s most important to remember is that you’re in control whether people continue to use you or not. Nurture and grow your inner self so that you can hear and listen to your intuition. Evolve that part of yourself so that you don’t find yourself being used and drained from relationships. Choose you. Don’t let him use you.