I think it’s important to be open-minded, in all aspects of your life. I’m sure you’ve had a change in opinion, little or small, that happened recently. We are constantly changing and new information is ingested daily. As your brain continues to develop in your early 20s (completely developed around the time you’re about 25), you are constantly tested in how you handle situations, the opinions you form, and the way you treat other people.
The more time, the more experience, the more you learn. There is always a lesson, although it may not be so visible or easily interpreted.
I am 25 years old and I’ve had my heart broken more times than I can count. I’ve broken hearts too, but the memories that have stuck with me are the times I got burned. Selfish? Maybe.
There were a number of guys I chose to go back to and spend my time with, knowing it wasn’t going to go anywhere. Knowing they may hurt me. The guys that were “bad for me” or, “didn’t deserve me” or, “used me.”
They weren’t all bad, even the “bad” ones weren’t all that bad.
I think people rationalize rejection because it’s easier than acceptance. I think we’re all guilty of this at some time or another.
Now, I’ve actually begun to let all of that go. Not all guys are assholes. Not all girls are crazy. People are people and we react to different situations based on where we are in life and how much experience we really have.
When it comes down to it, we aren’t all going to be a perfect match, and why should we? Not everyone is going to be in the same place as you. In fact, it’s more likely that they won’t be.
In between the heartbreak and the disappointment, there are real moments of happiness, excitement, passion, and real connection, even if it is temporary or infrequent. It’s there and you know what it feels like.
One thing that is certain is that nothing is certain. Whether you’re casually dating someone, hooking up, exclusively seeing each other, or even married, that doesn’t mean that will be the case a year from now. We can’t tell the future and we can’t foresee change.
I am not saying all relationships are doomed. I am just saying people change. Circumstances change and we change along with them.
I don’t think people are all bad. Sometimes we make mistakes, sometimes we are dishonest, and sometimes we hurt people. But that doesn’t mean we are all bad.
The main point I am trying to drive here is we are often unpredictable.
And because we are unpredictable, it makes it harder to find true connections with others.
Connecting with people whether it be through compatibility or physical chemistry, is stimulating and exciting. I don’t think you need to explain why you want to experience that feeling again. Maybe it’s hanging out with an ex, or sleeping with the guy who said he doesn’t want anything serious or talking to the guy it never went anywhere with for no reason.
I don’t think you need to beat yourself up over these things. Stop trying to be the perfect girl that’s ready and eligible for the perfect guy. Neither of those people exist.
You can want passion and want excitement, and still want all of the “good guy” stuff.
Maybe there’s a good match out there for you but maybe that time isn’t now. Maybe it’s just right around the corner, or not. Maybe you have some more lessons to learn, more relationships to go through. But you do not need to have it all figured out.
Focus your attention on yourself. Spending time alone is the best, you can do whatever you want. You’re the boss. So be the boss. Focus on work, focus on helping people, focus on being the best version of yourself.
Don’t give up on love and don’t close yourself off, but also don’t fill your time with trying to find the “perfect” guy.
I think we’re too hard sometimes on other people and on ourselves. I think we should love when we can. I don’t think we should just want someone that treats us to this cliché standard of perfect. Want someone you love back. Someone that gave you as much passion as the guy it didn’t work out with. And until that time comes, maybe it’s okay to spend time with the guys your friends tell you to stay away from.
Don’t be in a rush, try not to overanalyze, and try to keep yourself in the moment. Think of ways you can positively impact others and the things that fulfill you outside of the relationship thing. Things happen when they are supposed to happen.