Having mastered the art of being single, I have had ample time to observe myself and others. What have I come up with? The dating world is fucked up. It’s a complete shit show and everyone seems to be screwed up on some level. We’ve all got our own issues, insecurities, obstacles, challenges and past experiences.
Today it has become much harder to be alone amongst the standards set by society.
You’re weird if you’re always single and your character is questioned if you jump from relationship to relationship.
So basically: You’re screwed either way.
Self-aware, I know that I curse too much, I drink too much, I love too much, and I am single AF. I am pushed by society, family, and even friends that something is wrong with that. I’ll admit maybe I should eventually ease up on the cursing and drinking but I am here to tell you that nothing is wrong with being single. You shouldn’t have to feel the pressure to apologize for that. I have my “relationship friends” that constantly try and set me up, push me into online dating, or force me into public interactions. They mean well because they want me to be happy and I am grateful for that.
They’ve seen me happy; but to date that hasn’t lasted. So when I find myself reflecting on someone else or even missing someone that is no longer in my life, my friends tend to try and convince me that I need to be open and put myself out there. That just anyone will fill that void and magically fix everything. Again, they mean well but no. I don’t need to put myself out there.
I shouldn’t be closed off but that doesn’t mean I need to focus my attention on throwing myself out there. My time and energy should not be devoted to the possibility of a maybe. It’s great to be in love, in lust, or even in like with someone. But think of all the times that you were in love, lust or like. It probably happened unexpectedly and unforced.
I get it; we are a generation of confusing fuckbags that are constantly contradicting ourselves into hypocrisy.
We burn and we get burned. Nobody wants to settle down too quickly because we live in a world where divorce is more common than a happily ever after. There are too many fucking rules to keep track of. There are too many opinions and not enough facts.
I am choosing to push out that noise and pressure that not being in a relationship attaches a negative association. I admit that things are great when you have someone. But I am certain that I do not want a relationship for the sake of having a relationship. FUCK THAT.
Over the years, I still have not been able to wrap my mind around some of the complaints confided to me from friends in relationships:
- “I’m not always attracted to him.”
- “The sex isn’t great.”
- “He doesn’t like when I wear certain clothes.”
- “He’s boring.”
- “I want to date someone new.”
- “He’s clingy.”
- “We barely have anything in common.”
- “I don’t trust him.”
- “He talks down to me.”
- “He doesn’t like any of my friends.”
- “He doesn’t want me to spend time with my friends.”
- “I want to be single.”
So then why are you with him? You are in full control of your actions. It is better to be single than in a relationship in response to the fear of being alone.
It is okay for you to feel sad sometimes when you aren’t in a relationship. You can feel disappointed when a constant person suddenly vanishes from your life. You can be a little sad when you miss someone. You’re allowed to have those feelings. But that also doesn’t mean that forcing yourself into a new relationship is the answer that’ll extinct these feelings.
You don’t need to put yourself out there; you don’t need to do anything. Just be you. You don’t have to throw yourself into forced interactions with online dating. You don’t need to go on a blind date with the guy you aren’t attracted to. You don’t need to flaunt yourself in front of the stranger across the bar.
You also can do all of these things, if you want to.
Not wanting to settle is admirable and not something that should be looked down upon. Rather it should be celebrated and encouraged.
You haven’t met the right guy yet but you know what is like to feel undoubtedly excited and into someone. Don’t settle for less than that.
Want even more.