Accepting denial is hard. When you invest time and feelings (knowingly or unknowingly) it is hard to believe that the other person doesn’t feel the same way. You remain hopeful and optimistic, only to maximize your inevitable disappointment. Whether we are being ghosted, benched, stood up or flaked on its hard to fully accept that this person felt that we were not worth more.It hurts and it is hard to admit and fully accept, especially when we do care and truly wish the person’s feelings were different. There are a number of different routes we can take in handling the situation.
We could place blame on the other person. We could rationalize with insults, labeling the person as an asshole or a fuckboy. The thing is, being rejected doesn’t always mean there is a person to blame. There is no justification behind demonizing another person based on a lack of chemistry or attraction.
We become hypocritical, acting as if we’ve never rejected someone, or at the very least the thought of another person. Rejection is a normal reaction. We have all blown off someone. We have all ignored a text. We have all not called someone back. We have all made up excuses and little white lies to dodge hanging out with someone. We have all done this on some level.
Maybe we don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings. Maybe we don’t know how to handle the situation. Maybe we want to keep the person around as an option. The fact of the matter is that we aren’t fully in it, we aren’t completely interested and we aren’t invested.
The biggest problem with rejection is when a person consumes themselves with this feeling of disappointment. When a person cares about someone there is an sense of excitement and possibility. When these feelings aren’t reciprocated there is a feeling of loss, hopelessness and even dismissal.
Be honest with yourself and accept the rejection.
You were turned down. The feelings were not mutual. The “relationship” will not continue further. Expectations were not fulfilled.
“I know that when a door closes, it can feel like all doors are closing. A rejection letter can feel like everyone will reject us. But a closed door leads to clarity. It’s really an arrow. Because we cannot go through that door, we will go somewhere else. That somewhere else is your true life.” — Tama J. Kieves
It’s hard to fully grasp the reality of the situation and circumstance. By allowing yourself to feel the disappointment is allowing yourself to feel sad. Being the sensitive beings we are, we bypass this feeling and point the finger at someone else. This temporarily fills up time and is easier than feeling the rejection. Blame is created and it is placed on someone, other than ourselves.
Rejection does not invite the need to automatically place blame on someone. Sure in certain situations blame could be potentially justified, whether it’s dishonesty or manipulation. But in both situations, placing blame on someone else solves nothing. It doesn’t help you nor does it help the other person.
“Letting go helps us to to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us.” — Melody Beattie
Not blaming the other person, doesn’t mean the blame falls on you. The blame doesn’t fall on anyone. There is no blame. You have two people that just felt differently. Think of it like a disagreement or a difference in opinion. Not everyone clicks. What fun would that be if everyone did? Keep fighting for it, but look for it in the right places. You don’t want someone that doesn’t want you. “Wanting you” should be the bare minimum.
“I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me.” — Oprah Winfrey