He’s Not The Right Man For You And That’s Okay


You’ve hit a wall. You’ve found someone you’re seriously interested in and can’t get off your mind. You smile even as you’re walking away from him because he leaves you feeling hopeful. You’ve started to put down your guard and you’ve developed real feelings for him, but you’ve hit a wall. You’re full of nervous excitement about what’s next… You’ve been dating for a while but it’s make or break time, now what?

You’ve been on more dates than you can count on two hands, now what?

You begin to feel like this could be something. You get excited when you see his name pop up on your phone, you smile from ear to ear when you hear is voice and you can’t help it – you get a little pep in your step when you’re heading to see him. Your days are a little bit brighter and your dreams are a little bit sweeter. You slowly fight off the feeling that he’s too good to be true and you start believing that he’s just that good. You begin to believe that he could be your next relationship.

You’ve been dating him for a few months, now what?
You tell yourself you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You’re patient and you don’t pressure him to “define the relationship” or make it official on any social media. You put your best foot forward and bite your tongue even though all you want to do is have the “where do you see this going” conversation. You play it cool and enjoy the time you spend together; after all it is a pretty amazing feeling when you never want the night to end. Saying goodbye is always the hardest part and you do everything you could possibly think of to stay for one more hour, have one more drink or steal a few more kisses.

You’ve even begun to miss him after being apart for a few days, now what?
You find yourself thinking about your last date and smiling, even though you should be focused on something else. You think about how he makes you feel when you’re together and you get butterflies in your stomach. You begin to wonder when you’ll see him again and how you’re going to manage waiting a few days before you can kiss his lips and feel his warm embrace. It dawns on you that you actually, truly miss him. You realize that you have real feelings for him. It slips out the next time you’re together that you missed him, and you’re pleasantly surprised when he says that he missed you too.

You’re ready to make the jump from just dating to a relationship, now what?
You’ve thought about it and you’ve decided that you are truly ready to be in a relationship with him. You don’t want something so great to get away from you, you recognize that you’ve found someone you want to begin a relationship with. You want to show him that one day you can love him, and you want him to love you too. You’d be the luckiest girl in the world to be his girlfriend.

You’re ready, now what? Nothing. Crickets. Unanswered calls, texts… you’ve been ghosted for all intensive purposes. And it totally sucks.

Could it even be considered dating? Was it just hanging out? Maybe casual dating? Definitely not just friends because friends don’t have romantic chemistry you had with him (and if they do, they’re more than “just” friends). And there is no way it was just physical. What went wrong? Why does this hurt so badly? You remember you were never his girlfriend, but you were invested in him and a relationship.

You’re right, you were never his girlfriend, but you treated him like he was your boyfriend. You treated dating like a relationship when you were simply just dating. You’re the type of girl who gives it all you’ve got all the time. You fall fast and you love hard. You care more than others think is wise. You think about yourself last, and you put a lot of thought into how you can make him happy. You care about yourself too, but you’re infatuated with him and you want things to work out between the two of you.

You give it all you’ve got and it doesn’t work out. It doesn’t feel great to be rejected, especially when you don’t have the slightest clue why, but it’s truly his loss. You know dating never plays out like the fairy tale you’re hoping for. You get your hopes up when someone like him comes along, but you always hit a wall. “Now what?” always crosses your mind eventually. You give more than you get, and that’s usually okay, but not this time.

This time, you know you’re worth and you not going to settle for a mediocre relationship. You realize you don’t want to be an option, you want to be his priority. You want to feel wanted just as badly as you want him. You begin to feel thankful for the time you spent just dating him because it gave you a glimpse of what you deserve and what you’re worth.

You learned what it felt like to have your heart beat faster with each step he took towards you. You learned how it feels to have someone make your face light up just by stepping into the same room. You learned how to let down your guard and believe in the fairy tale. Most importantly, you learned how to focus on your feelings and not just his.

One day, someone will walk into your life and say everything you wished he had said to you. He will walk into your life and won’t tell you you’re pretty, he will tell you that you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. He won’t compliment your smile, he will tell you that your smile brightens his world. He won’t text you just to see if you’ll respond, he will pick up the phone and call you just to tell you he’s thinking about you.

When he opens the door and walks into your life, your world will be forever changed. You won’t have to feel like the luckiest girl in the world to be his girlfriend because he will show every day that he’s the luckiest man to have you in his life as his girlfriend. You’ll find the love you’ve been looking for all along and you’ll finally realize why it never worked out with anyone else. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

More From Thought Catalog