This is a letter in response to the blog post Men Prefer Debt Free Virgins Without Tattoos.
Dear Lori Alexander,
Hi! My name is Alyssa. I’m a 25-year-old sexually active woman with tattoos and quite a lot of college debt. I was recently scrolling through Facebook (perhaps my first mistake), when I came across your blog post titled “Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Without Tattoos.” Because of the nature of your “article,” I feel that it is important to tell you that I too am a woman of faith. I believe that there is a power greater than ourselves and was raised in the church.
With that being said, I have all of the same information as you at my fingertips and for that reason, I’ll leave God, Buddha, and the rest, out of this. I’d love to simply provide another opinion so that the women who are reading this post don’t feel that this is their only one.
By the time I reached the first line of your second paragraph which states, “Young women should carefully consider whether or not they go to college, especially if they want to be wives and mothers someday,” I was repulsed. Women were not created to please men. Our purpose on this earth is not to give birth and wait on them hand and foot. And frankly, this kind of thinking in 2018 is more than a little unwelcome.
Our bodies are OURS. No one else’s. And slut-shaming is a played out response, my friend. A woman’s value is not based on the number of men (or women) that’s she’s been with. And a sex-worker is equally as worthy of love and happiness as a woman who decides to “save herself” (we won’t get into the vast topic that is the construct of virginity) for marriage.
In this same paragraph, you state that women who go to college are taught to be “independent and loud” instead of what they were intended to be – “meek and quiet”. This is the line that made me fear for your children. We should be raising our daughters (and sons) to be strong individuals with their own personalities. We should be encouraging them to speak out when they disagree with something or when they know that someone is wrong (like I’m doing now).
Many of the brightest, most level-headed, youth in this country are girls. These young ladies are going to shape our world and help to make it a nurturing and supportive place to live. They’re going to find the cures to deadly diseases, make progressive changes in political offices, AND be the most badass mothers yet. And you want to deny them (and the world) the chance to do that? For what? So they can find a partner who sees them as “less-than” and good for nothing but giving birth? I don’t think so.
Going to college (like having sex) is a choice that every woman should have the right to make for herself. Maybe a woman’s life-long dream is to be a mother. And that’s GREAT! Being a mother is hard work and deserves to be recognized as an option. But not because she thinks that’s what a man wants. And not because it’s her ONLY option.
For a bit of perspective, I’ll tell you the brief version of my story. I went to school for Film & Digital Media. I transferred five times before I got a job in my field and decided to put college on hold. I’m $57k in debt, but guess what? I’m currently the sole breadwinner in my household. I don’t regret going to school and will eventually finish my degree and pay all of that debt off. And my boyfriend and I are both THRILLED about that. I work hard because I love my job and can’t wait to see where it takes me in the future. I will eventually, also, be a mother. Because I CAN DO BOTH. And hey, our household will have twice the income! Go us!
Having kids (like going to college or having sex) is also a choice. See a trend here? Not every woman wants to be a mom. Nor should they feel that they have to.
You didn’t go into detail as to why men don’t like women with tattoos, but the good news is that we don’t get them to impress men! I know you won’t believe me, but we’re actually smart and cultured enough to appreciate and createart ourselves.
To keep with the style of your post, I’ll leave you with a few quotes from my friends (women AND men) that landed in my Instagram inbox when I shared your article on my story.
“Ew.” – Kevin Hesser.
“Good luck, fellas.” – Caitlin Lambert.
“We love sluts with loans.” – Colin Humphrey.
“Good thing I’m neither.” – KC Kaluhiokalani.
“WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK.” – Liz Sterrett.
So, Lori Alexander. With all due respect, fuck your standards.