People always ask me what I want out of life like it’s a simple question with a simple answer. It isn’t. Or at least it doesn’t feel like it is.
Because I just want too many things that contradict each other. I want so much that my real answer would overwhelm them.
I guess that I just want so badly to be happy. I want to smile to myself. I want to smile at myself. I want to be somebody that is worth loving. I want to love myself.
I want to be a person who is calm. I don’t want to over-react to the irrelevant nuisances in life, and I never want to let them distract me. I want to be motivated and ambitious and accomplished.
I want to be honest. But not in the way that’s mean or brutal or harsh. I just want to be genuine and real. But I also always want to be understanding and compassionate, and I never want to be judgmental.
I want to always remember to appreciate who and what I have. I want to live in the moment. I want to remember the past but I don’t want to dwell on it either. I want to look to the future but not too much so that I forget to soak up every moment and every beautiful blessing I have around me.
I don’t want to have a jealous or bitter bone in my entire body. I never want to compare myself to others and I always want to be genuinely happy for everyone around me. I want to love everyone as much as I can, and for as long as I can. I want to do it without fear, and I never want to question it.
I want to be the person who is always laughing. I want to be the person with the laugh that makes you laugh. I want laughter to keep me alive.
I want to be the friend that people consider the “good friend.” I want to be the person that people run to when they have nowhere else to go and I want to help them. I want to be the person that they can count on when they feel like they can’t count on anyone else.
I want to stand for something. I want to inspire people. I want to lift up and support every single person that I have around me. I want to be better and then I want to make the people around me better, and then together, I want us to make the world better.
I want to be appreciated and never taken for granted. I want what I give, given back to me in return.
I want to not care about what I get in return, and only be a good person because that is what I’m supposed to be, because I like to be, because that is who I am.
I don’t want to be the person who just wants all these things. I want to work for them. But on some level, I also just want them to come naturally. Because I want to be naturally good. I want it to be my instinct. I want it to be just be me.
I need it to be me because I don’t just want to love myself. I want to like myself. I want to enjoy myself.
I want to crave alone time and the presence of only myself. I don’t want to have to have the TV on in the background or music playing through my earbuds to distract me. I want to be happy in the silence. I want to revel in it.
Because I want to be truly and entirely at peace.