Sometimes you wonder if there’s something wrong with you, if there’s something intimidating, or weird, or sickly strange about you that repels people. Sometimes you wonder if you’re good enough, if you will ever be good enough for anybody. Sometimes you wonder why it takes a split-second heartbeat for other people to fall in love, while you’ve been waiting your whole life to even get a date.
And most of the time you try to understand the situation, you ask for signs from omnipotent beings, you ask for anything really, just to make sense of it all.
You look around you and all you see are couples holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and whispering secrets to each other. Most of the time, it doesn’t really bother you. You’ve been so used to being all on your own that you don’t really mind seeing all the lovey-dovey faces these couples make. For the most part, you convince yourself that it’s okay. That somehow, you’ll get there someday, and that you’ll be okay.
But then it just hits you.
The idea that you’re alone, that you’ve never experienced what it’s like to fall in love, to be in love, to stay in love with somebody other than your own.
It hits you like a brick and then you have to work up the nerve again to tell yourself that you just have to wait. Over and over again, this cycle continues until you just give up the notion of finding the “right guy”, of looking for the right kind of love.
You keep mustering up excuses, lies, and phrases of denial just to ease your mind into thinking that you still have the time to find love.
Yes, somehow all the words you tell yourself late at night before you go to bed help make sense as to why you’re still single, forever alone in a world full of pairs. Somehow, you still believe that there must be someone out there, looking at the same stars and wondering the same thoughts you have. And maybe you’ll find them someday, and maybe you’ll prove yourself wrong.
Maybe you’ll tell yourself that all the waiting will be worth it in the end.
Today is just not that day–and so you take a deep breath and try again tomorrow.