If you have been as lonely as me, you know how terrible things can get. Your diminished self-esteem can start to feel like an old worn-out piece of cloth which you are still holding on to, because losing it would extinguish all life from you.
If you can relate to what I am saying, you have obviously dealt with a large number of people who have brought nothing but chaos and confusion to your life. They mistreat you and recklessly disregard your feelings.
See if any of this sounds familiar:
1. You help them (whether in a big or a small way) whenever they ask you to, without question or negotiation, but they don’t return the favor. In fact, they constantly take you for granted and almost always waste your time. You helped them, thinking they would become your friend, and yet you feel like they just claim to care about you so they can push you around.
2. They never or hardly ever initiate a conversation with you or ask you to meet them. It is you who is always stuck making plans. Some even go as far as to agree to hang out with you, but then get out of it by making silly excuses, like, “I’ve been really busy with work.” Meanwhile, you are thinking to yourself, “Have you been this busy for 6 months?” They might not be lying, but if they really wanted to, they would have easily been able to set aside some time for you.
3. You always try to reconcile with them and try to clear the air, because you don’t want to lose them. However, they don’t make an effort at all, even though they tell you that they want to remain friends.
4. They constantly harp on your bad and completely ignore the good inside you.
Does any of this sound familiar? If it does, then read on.
The bad news is: It is entirely your fault. They treat you this way, because you let them, like I always did. The good news is: You can change this. It won’t be easy, but yes, you can.
First of all, helping someone, even in a tremendous manner, does not guarantee their friendship. It just doesn’t work that way. It should, but it doesn’t. And you will figure that out soon enough, probably the hard way.
Second of all, you make a lot of effort to make friends, because that’s just the way you are. Some people will automatically think of you as desperate, and it is desperate, but don’t beat yourself up over it. Everyone is desperate for something, whether they know it or not. You are just desperate for some affection, which you haven’t been given much of.
Personally, I grew up in a very hostile and neglectful environment, which made me needy for affection. So much so that I compromised my feelings time and time again and forgot to stand up for myself. And whenever I did stand up for myself, it didn’t turn out so well. You probably have a similar backstory.
But now, I am here to tell you, it’s time to stop compromising. Draw the line.
Listen to Robin Williams: “I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.” When I heard he had committed suicide, I googled him and found this quote. And all I wanted to do was raise him from the dead and thank him and tell him that I knew what he was saying.
The message is simple: Don’t end up with people who make you feel all alone, even if you are lonely. So, I say again, stop compromising. Draw the line.
You probably compromise on your feelings, because you have a lot of empathy. You don’t like to abandon people just because they are being mean to you, so you keep everything bottled up inside. You do that, because you are afraid, as I was, that if you draw the line (or put your foot down or whatever you want to call it) you will lose them. And you know what? You might. You are just going to have to accept that. But, if they really care about you, they’ll come back. If they didn’t, then you dodged a bullet.
Accepting the mistakes you made with them isn’t a bad thing. You should do it often. But your mistakes don’t overshadow theirs. Trust me, I have been there–but not anymore. I have decided not to let anybody make me feel small anymore. I am an excellent person and I have a lot to offer, but if you are only here to take from me and not give back even a little, then I am sorry to say, I don’t need you in my life.
So, I say for the last time, draw the line. Don’t be at the mercy of unworthy people. Don’t torture your soul like this. Life will be more painful and difficult and lonelier, but happier too.