This is a long-standing debate that has been hard to answer. Numerous websites and forums have been dedicated to unlocking this truth amidst a highly desexualized society that has forgotten the true essence of being a man, where the only inevitable option seems to be choosing between one of these two extremes. Either you were the Nice Guy or you were the Jerk.
One side blames the other for the downfall, or rather, failure of men with the women: the Jerk is stigmatized for toying with the hearts of women, leaving them for someone supposedly better and forever marking the image of a man as a douche/asshole. The Nice Guy, being an androgynous creature, is someone who is too scared to stand up for his own beliefs and would do anything, even compromising his own ambitions, to get the ‘girl of his dreams’ thus showing that man has no backbone.
Why then does the jerk seemingly always ‘win’ the woman despite his egocentric attitude and the nice guy crash into flames despite his undying love for the girl?
Let’s take a look.
At one extreme, the Nice Guy lives in a world where the girl he cares for is his queen. He views her as his end goal, thus cuts ties with his own passions in life and makes her his passion. Rather than living out his own dreams, he puts her on a stand and makes her his dream. This is where the Nice Guy fails, and this is where the girl gets turned off. The nice guy would drop everything just to please her and it completely kills any possibility of a relationship in the future.
If you were to think of it, would you date someone who would call you every day or reply to your texts a millisecond after you press send as if they have been waiting for it their entire lives? How about someone who cancels plans he has made months ago just so he could see you for a few minutes? I think not. Being desperate shows a lack of fortitude & self-worth and ultimately, a weak direction in life because those who put their dream on the girl, will have nothing else to offer in life once they do, which I doubt, get her.
The Nice Guy fails to view the girl as a compliment to his life, rather he views her as the completion of his life. There is a common saying that there is one girl out there that is meant for each and every one of us, but in order for us to find that someone else, more so love that someone else, we must first learn to love ourselves. The Nice Guy does not love himself. If he did, he would have more self-worth than to abandon his dreams for the girl. He wants the girl because he believes that she would make him happy instead of him introducing her into his already happy life. Who would want to date someone who is not confident in himself, someone who believes that he would need another to complete his life. Wouldn’t you feel used or wouldn’t the relationship feel one-sided?
But those Nice Guys who are too pathetic to change their desperate ways will say, “What nonsense is this! The nice guy obviously cares for the girl. At least he wants what is best for her and what will make her happy! We give her flowers, chocolates and declarations of love through our cheesy letters and poems!” Yes, this is true. You as a nice guy may care for her, may claim to love her but you are lacking the key ingredient that would turn you into the ideal man that she would want to have a relationship with: the Jerk.
The Jerk is the extreme opposite of the Nice Guy. Where the Nice Guy cares for the girl and puts her on a pedestal, the Jerk exudes an attitude of indifference and ego-centrism.
The Jerk does not really care for the girl rather he only cares what he can get out of her. He views girls as assets at his disposal. This is why girls tend to categorize jerks as douche bags or players, because the only person he truly watches out for is himself. Where the Nice Guy places the victory on getting the girl, the Jerk places the victory on how many women he can get, how hot they are and how consistent he is in keeping these numbers on the same level or even higher.
The jerk will not compromise his goals and passions in life for an 8 because he knows he will eventually get a 10. This is his mindset, a life where there is always someone/something better, so why waste his precious time worrying on the 8 when he could be out searching for that 10. After all, he views himself as god’s gift to women.
The jerk also has something that nice guys fail to grasp. The confidence factor that boosts his image in front of women tenfold. Women want a man who knows what he wants, women want a man who takes what he wants when he wants it and pushes aside anyone who gets in his way. A man who is able to provide and protect for himself, which would eventually extend to his potential family in the future, is a man who any girl would want to marry. Imagine yourself in the women’s shoes, wouldn’t you want a man who knew his worth, took what he wanted and beat up anyone who stood in his way?
I definitely would.
However, there is a danger to this indifference and egocentric personality. The Jerk alienates the humanness of the girl from her body, viewing her body as a sexual object rather than a human being. In his blind love for himself, he forgets that on the other side is another living and breathing person who is conscious of his actions. This is where the Jerk fails thus giving testament to his unpopular title. Once he plays a girl and exchanges her for another, given that he takes what he wants without question, the jerk once again shows the sheer love for self and the lack of love for the other.
Based on these two sides, it seems almost hopeless for man to shine once again. Are we truly condemned to a time where being the hyper-sexualized selfish player or the androgynous sexless nice guy is the only option?
Why not combine the niceness of the Nice Guy with the indifference and confidence of the Jerk? Why not become a Nice Guy-Jerk.
We can be nice, care for the girl and show our love/affection for her but at the same time, we need the proper mindset to know that the girl is only a compliment to our life. She is not our final destination, rather a potential companion to reach our final destination. If things do not work out, you as the Nice Guy-Jerk (We shall now call this Man) should not break down like the nice guy would or rebound on a hotter girl like the jerk would, rather you would take this as motivation to fuel your dreams and channel your frustration/sadness into your passions. If you do this, the girl will eventually notice the time and effort you focused into yourself and realized that she missed the Man of her dreams instead of you missing the Girl of your dreams because once you work on improving yourself, the girl of your dreams will come to you naturally.
The Man should be our ideal image of who we want to be. The Man knows his place in the world, knows his sense of self-worth and can also care for the girl if she supports him and teaches her to respect him if she is wrong. Why not bring back the days of society where being a Man is praised and the girl is given an opportunity to take the exciting plunge into fighting to earn the love and respect of the man she truly wants to spend life with. Why fight our sexual selves when doing so means the demise of our roles in society. Man provides, protects, fights and loves. Woman cares, comforts, supports and loves.
Both the Nice Guy and the Jerk work their passions around the woman. With the former focusing on getting her as his girlfriend and the later focusing on bedding her as soon as possible. The Man on the other hand works his passions around his life. The girl is only a compliment to his life and he would not compromise his love for life for his love for her. Rather he should find someone who would love his life then he would love her. Life is too short to chase after people who do not share your direction in life so choose those who directly support and agree with your goals in life.
With this new found knowledge, I hope those who read this would wake up and see their position in life. Are you the Nice Guy who is too scared to stand on his own, the Jerk who is blinded by his egotistic self or are you a Man who is not afraid of life, lives it to his fullest potential while searching for the right person to share his life with.
Live with your dreams, live with your passions, live with your woman while making sure that you live as a Man.