Breaking up can be hard. From a person who has been through her fair share of bad choices, it is understandable to hole yourself up in your duvet cover for months, listening to John Mayor (the only man who understands this feeling.) Besides, Ben and Jerry’s has a special offer this month…aka the countless tubs of ice cream aren’t really your fault. And who’s going to be seeing you naked anyways??
Here’s my deal: months after breaking up with my boyfriend, I realized that something had to change. I could not keep on crying in self-despair and keeping myself from really living.
It took me a long time to get to that realization, the fifth time we broke up to be precise. So when we broke up, I was irrevocably sent in a downward spiral. Post-breakup, I had self-prescribed a retreat into the safe land of duvets.
But there’s only so long that this behaviour can be acceptable…and then the haze begins to clear into a starting reality. How many tubs were too many tubs? (It was partly the smell of unwashed sheets that woke me up.) But mostly it was the tiredness. I was tired of looking at people on the street and wondering how they could function when I could barely keep going. I wanted to be me again.
The first step was to realize that his presence in my life wasn’t the be all and end all of everything. There was a different me before the sadness took over, a version of me that had so much passion for my non-sloth interests.
For me it was a bad relationship, and the aftermath that trapped me. For you it could be a similar situation, or a rut you have been caught in. Either way, the only person who can get you out of that funk and into the beautiful things that lay ahead is yourself.
Getting back out there doesn’t necessarily mean dating again. It means opening yourself up to other opportunities and allowing yourself to move on from the angst of your prior life. Letting yourself be free from what hurt you.
It is not going to be your best pals. They may push you to try new things, and there’s always the one friend who thinks Tinder is the solution to everything. (It’s not.)
It isn’t going to be a guy who walks into the bookstore and accidentally locks eyes with you while you are wearing your favourite dungarees.
It isn’t even going to be a magical moment of eureka, an epiphany, or the amazing dress you brought online that makes you feel great about everything for 5 minutes before the crippling fear of debt sinks in.
To get yourself out there, you have to stop counting on anything other than yourself. You have to stop relying on the impact you think others are going to have. Stop waiting around, and start making your choices. When you start doing, you are taking control and saying no to anyone who hurts you.
It can start as slowly as attending a bilingual meet-up once a month. If happiness to you means learning how to play a new instrument, or trying out that samba class you were too shy to attend, do it!
If it means reading for days to fuel your creative spirit, do it! Fill your life with inspiration and happiness will find you. You will instantaneously get yourself back to the open person you were before the dark clouds took over. And that’s beautiful.