There comes a point in every adult’s life where you just want to punch your boss’s brains out. Or maybe just rough them up a little—one little punch wouldn’t hurt, right? It’s normal to get this urge—it’s one of the rites of passage into adulthood. If you’re working at that crappy job while paying your own bills and going to college, wanting to hurt one of your bosses is pretty normal. Rare is the person who never wanted to punch their boss.
The problem is we can’t have people going around hurting their bosses. It will cause total anarchy. To help curve your urge when your boss says something that has your hands curling into fists, here are some survival tips:
1. Think about that check.
For the most part, your boss is the one who is signing off on your check. If you hurt him, how are you going to get your money? He will fire you if you hit him. If you take it one step further and kill him, there is no one to sign off on your check now, is there? It might take you a few weeks, maybe some months, to get another job. And let’s be real—you don’t only use your paycheck to pay the bills. You use it to indulge in your guilty pleasures. Whether you’re a fashion addict, foodie, or tech geek, you need your paycheck to feed your obsession.
2. Remind yourself that you will go to jail.
Chances are you will be caught in the heat of the moment if you punch your boss. Impulses will take over and—BAM!—it’s done. After your coworkers call the police, you will get arrested. Jail will not be as funny as Orange is the New Black or as flashy as those celebrities make it look. You will be stuck eating slop next to a cellmate named Big Mama. Is that what you want?
3. Think of your reputation.
You will be painted as the no-good underachiever who always had this crazy twitch in his eyes. Your boss will be painted as the do-gooder who never did harm. All the hard work you put into your career will completely evaporate once you hurt or kill your boss. No company will want to hire you out of fear you might hurt the boss.
4. Visualize it, but don’t physicalize it.
If you want to hurt your boss, fantasize about it. I know a lot of people say fantasies can grow into the real thing, but for us normal crazies daydreaming can help us solve problems. Chances are if you visualize it you won’t physicalize it and the best part is you can do anything in your fantasies without the fear of consequences. In the real world I’m afraid we don’t have that luxury.
5. Enjoy life outside of work.
Although work is a very important part of life, it is not the only part. Sometimes, you have to remember it’s just a job. There is a life outside of work. There is a life outside of dealing with your boss—unless you are married to them or are related in some weird way. In that case you might just be stuck.
Truthfully, we are all a bunch of crazies who are trying to figure out how to navigate through work with another set of crazies. Once we realize how to interact with each other the rate of violence may go down, but don’t hold your breath.