10 Reasons Why You Should Buy Almie Rose’s I Forgot To Be Famous

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So I wrote an eBook titled, I Forgot To Be Famous. And I thought I’d provide some reasons as to why you should buy my book now. Hear me (read me?) out.

1. It’s cheap. If you hate it, it will be the cheapest mistake you’ve made in your life. It’s only $5.99 on Amazon, Kobo, and iBooks; $5.49 on Barnes and Noble; and only $4.61 on Google Play. That’s cheaper than a martini.

2. It’s short. I’ve vomited longer than it takes to read this book. You can read it while lounging by the pool, or while you’re sitting in a waiting room. It’s an estimated 53 pages. You can totally knock this off and then brag to people that you read an entire book in an hour. You’re welcome.

3. It’s got good reviews. It’s got 4.5 stars out of 5 on Amazon, and I swear, not one of those reviews is me pretending to be someone else. You can tell because none of the reviews say “What a rollicking good yarn! — Marge Simpson.” It was also an Item of the Day on HelloGiggles, and a Frisky book recommendation.

4. You’ll feel better about yourself. The book is a series of essays, most of which are about how I embarrass myself (like the time I got hammered and went up to the actor I had a crush on and told him he had a big head) or get heartbroken (like the time my ex left me for his now A-list actress ex who wound up not taking him back). You’ll read this and think, “Wow! At least I didn’t do THAT.” And somewhere in the world, I’ll nod and stroke my chin thoughtfully.

5. It can be your good deed of the day/week/month/year. Yes, I’m saying if you want good karma, buy my book. Support a struggling writer. Make her mom happy. Be young and free.

6. I can stop acting like this:
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDTwO0TlwOU&w=784&h=524%5D

Nobody wants this.

7. You don’t have to put on pants to buy it. You can download this puppy right here, right now, and not even have to put on pants. It will download instantly. Think of all that time you saved not having to put on pants and all that joy you gained not having to interact with real people.

8. You don’t need Kindle to read it. You can read it on any tablet device or even on your phone or computer with this handy free Kindle app download. I promise. Up until recently, I didn’t even have a Kindle. Now I do and I use it mostly to play Words With Friends. And by “play Words With Friends” I mean “getting beaten, badly, by everyone, at Words With Friends.”

9. It’s a great way to waste time at work. Don’t you just love wasting time at work? Why not waste it in a more creative, original way, by swapping Reddit or Buzzfeed for my book? If your boss catches you, just tell them, “I’m doing research for our next project.” That line will work for anything.

10. You can find out what When Harry Met Sally… would look like in 2013, or what Mad Men would look like in the 1990s. The book contains the essays “When Harry Met Sally… In 2013″ and “Mad Men in the 1990s.” I tried to capture the tone of the movie and the show, respectively, and I think I did a good job. Plus, you have Don Draper talking about The Mighty Ducks. How could you lose?

Convinced? Click here. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

This post originally appeared at Apocalypstick.

Let’s watch Lost tonight. You can be my black John Locke tonight. My book is available here.

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