I Don’t Have A BFF And I Feel Like A Loser For It

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When I was a kid, I had a best friend. And then, as I got into middle school, a different best friend. And then, in high school, a new best friend. And sometimes I had more than one best friend. I guess I always thought that when I hit my 20s, the whole crazed BBF 4EVER thing would either die down or I would be surrounded by BFFs, like the cast of Friends.

Instead, I find myself in my 20s without a BFF, and I feel like a loser.

I have really good friends. I have someone I know will be my maid of honor at my wedding, should THAT ever happen. But she lives across the country, in NYC, so it’s not like we can grab a Sex and the City style brunch each weekend and gab about life, men, and our careers. Sometimes we talk on the phone. It’s not often enough.

And yet, all around me, on Instagram, Facebook, blogs, and even in the dreaded “real life,” I see women my age with hardcore BFFs. What happened? How did I miss out? And I do feel like I’m missing out. I have some very dear friends, but I don’t have any Girls moments where I’m feeling down and they come over so we can rock out to Robyn’s “Dancing On My Own”. (Is it just that the media lied to me? According to Friends I should be living in a massive, rent controlled apartment in NYC with a whole gaggle of BFFs.) I don’t have anyone who I tell people is, “Like, my sister.” I don’t have matching tattoos.

I’m not saying I need a matching tattoo. I’m saying, I don’t have anyone I could get one with, where it would be just our special thing, and I feel like a total loser because of it. How did this happen? How did I miss the BFF train? I feel like Paula Cole singing, “Where is my John Wayne? Where is my prairie song? Where is my happy ending? Where have all the BFFs gone?”

Are there others like me out there, who have a group of friends but no one special bestie? And what’s this obsession with “besties” anyway? Every blog I read is guaranteed to at least once a day feature an article like, “Things Only You And Your Bestie Understand” or “Why Having A BFF Is The Best Thing Ever.” Am I jealous? You bet your sweet bippy I am.

Soy un perdido. I’m a loser, baby. But please don’t kill me, it’s not that dire. TC mark

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  • kimberlimarie

    You are not alone. I’ve had that special best friend throughout my life, but at the age of 28, I honestly can say I don’t have that one best friend anymore. At the time, all of these best friends seemed like they would be my BFFS forever. I got married in 2015, and it dawned on me, I have no actual BFF that has been dreaming of this day with me all these years. My wedding party was mostly made up of family, w 2 really good friends, and others I scrambled together to make everything even. I was a bit jealous, the groomsmen for my husband were his actual BFFS. They’ve been friends for years. Like you pointed out, I do have a lot of great close friends also, but I don’t have that one bff. I think every instagram post I see from people I’ve went to school with, always mention them and their very own beastie, that they’ve know since kindergarten.
    I guess I missed the best friend train also. :(

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